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Undergraduate   Posts: 6

UIUC Application essay help (Civil Engineering/Dance)


fearlessdancer 1 / -  
Oct 3, 2009   #1
Can anyone please help me perfect my admissions essay for UIUC? I am a horrible writer and I dont know what else to say :(

-Essay 1: In an essay of 300 words or less, please discuss your academic interests and/or professional goals.
-Essay 2: In an essay of 300 words or less, choose one extracurricular activity, work experience, or community service project from the list you provided on the application and explain why you initially chose it, why you continued with it, and how you benefited from it.

ESSAY 1-
It has always been my dream to attend the University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign and accomplish my life long goal of becoming a civil engineer. Ever since I was young, I have excelled at mathematics and science. Numbers came easy to me and I was a natural problem solver, but it was not until seventh grade that I realized I was born to be an engineer. It all started in my technology class when I received a seemingly simple computer assignment; build an animated version of fully functioning bridge. I found taking measurements to construct the ideal bridge and then testing my designs fascinating. After class, I looked into jobs that involved constructing roads and bridges and fell in love with civil engineering.

Since then, I have prepared myself by taking advanced mathematics and science courses including AP Calculus and AP Physics. I would like to jump right into the engineering program and gain hands on experience so I will be ready to tackle any civil engineering job after high school. One opportunity I would like to seize during my college experience is participating in the intern program in order to work with other engineers in a job setting. I would also like to interact with other women engineers while at UIUC. Because engineering is a male dominated field, I hope to branch out and even encourage young women to becoming interested in engineering as well.

(235 Words)

ESSAY 2-
I cannot imagine what my life would be like without dance. When I was two, I started dancing as a way to build up my coordination because unfortunately, I lacked all balance skills. Ironically, I had a gift for dancing. Every week I looked forward to attending my ballet and tap classes. I caught on to the steps faster than most girls did and as I grew older, I learned to smooth out my movements. Unfortunately, I was shy and feared performing in front of large groups of people.

In the spring before I started high school, I tried out for the poms team in hopes that I would get to dance every day. I made the team my freshman year, but kept to myself most of the time. During my sophomore year I made more friends and finally began to step out of the shadows. I even improved enough to make the varsity team and then my senior year I made captain. Dancing has made me more outspoken and I love performing in front of an audience more than anything. I have also gained great leadership skills by choreographing each routine and then teaching it to my team. Through dance I have learned to become comfortable in my skin and to express myself with confidence.

(216 Words)

-Thank you so much

qyuiosilent 4 / 22  
Oct 4, 2009   #2
Hi fearlessdancer, let me attempt on your first essay:

It has always been my dream This is too commonly-used.

my life long goal of becoming a civil engineer.

Ever since I was young, I have excelled at mathematics and science. Numbers came easy to me and I was a natural problem solver, but it was not until seventh grade that I realized I was born to be an engineer. It all started in my technology class when I received a seemingly simple computer assignment; build an animated version of fully functioning bridge. I found taking measurements to construct the ideal bridge and then testing my designs fascinating. After class, I looked into jobs that involved constructing roads and bridges and fell in love with civil engineering.

Since then, I have prepared myself by taking advanced mathematics and science courses including AP Calculus and AP Physics. I would like to jump right into the engineering program and gain hands on experience so I will be ready to tackle any civil engineering job after high school. One opportunity I would like to seize during my college experience is participating in the intern program in order to work with other engineers in a job setting. I would also like to interact with other women engineers while at UIUC. Because engineering is a male dominated field, I hope to branch out and even encourage young women to becoming interested in engineering as well.

(235 Words)
Moonshadow0302 - / 68  
Oct 4, 2009   #3
unfortunately, I lacked all balance skills. Ironically, I had a gift for dancing.

contradiction - dance requires balance. At least imo.
The rest of the essays are ok. Just change the cliched first line in essay 1 as Silent mentioned.
qyuiosilent 4 / 22  
Oct 4, 2009   #4
Hi fearlessdancer, I was typing for the past 15 minutes and all was lost when I was directed to a page "access denied". Sorry, so please ignore my previous post.

1. You need to structure your essay into paragraphs.

2. Don't say that you have excelled in maths and science. Admission officers can see that you are actually very good in these from your GPA and coursework. Don't repeat. Use this essay to tell them other things about yourself.

3. I noticed that you have work experiences related to civil engineering. Seize this to discuss the interesting ideas you encountered in your work!

4. You need to share some your interests in maths (differential equations?) and science (dynamics and newton's law?).

5. Don't under utilize the 300 words. I was expecting something more on the virtual bridge when I was reading. I believe you have plenty of interesting engineering ideas to share right?

Good luck!
Ahmed Alyousif - / 1  
Nov 14, 2010   #5
Help with a question: Your reasons for graduate study in civil Engineering ?

Can you help me please out with this question ?
Your reasons for graduate study in civil Engineering?

Thank you very much
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,516 129  
Nov 24, 2010   #6
Well, you must have some reasons...
I suspect that you are not able to write in English easily.
Do you need help writing about your ideas in English?

If I was going to learn about civil engineering, it would be because I believe in improving society by improving the structures that hold it together.

What job do you hope to have as a professional?


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