Hi, I am an international student applying to the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign. Unfortunately, I messed up my last SAT exam before EA:(, so I am looking for help to make my essay better to compensate the drawback on scores. Please help me figure out grammatical errors, diction problems and advise me on how to improve the essay to make it more attractive and impressive. Any of your comments will be helpful. Thank you!Explain your interest in the major you selected. Describe an experience related to this area of study, what first introduced you to this field, and/or your future career goals. If you're applying to the Division of General Studies, explain your academic interests and strengths or your future career goals. You may include any majors or areas of study you're currently considering.
Limit your response to 300 to 400 words.
Before ten, I had created with LEGO blocks, disposable chopsticks, and electronic components. But when I firstly encountered computer programming, all of the former creations faded.
It was an afternoon. My teacher was teaching the first lesson on programming the robot at the club. He dragged several built-in code blocks into the controller, and the sculpture-like machine moved, rattling. Rather captivated, I glimpsed the screen, finding a program comprising of uniformed boxes of instructions, each like a LEGO part but of no weight, no volume and with infinite plugs. That afternoon, I was excited to discover the ideal material for my creation-the codes. Unlike building with physical materials, programming does not require the designer to ponder the strength or other properties of the material. Under the grammatical rules, every part can be altered separately, every connection is acceptable, like writing a prose, disciplined but not constrained.
Long time had passed before I became adept in programming with C language, but all of my programs so far were used to perform specialized computations. "Is computation the all of a computer? If so, why isn't it a calculator?" I wondered. The puzzles solved months ago when I started to build elementary optical character recognizing algorithms. I learned that in order for a computer to recognize a character from pixels, a neuron-network classifier can be used. In the process, the computer firstly create a network consisting of computing nodes known as neurons to deal with simplistic judgments on the images' characteristics, and then other neurons make the final judgment based on the information provided by previous ones. Amazingly, the network alters connections between neurons to optimize itself so that it can recognize as many characters. I suddenly found that what I have created is a life, a life that can improve itself through learning! Unlike previous physical creations, this time I created a soul of the simplistic form. And computers are never calculators because they can have souls.
Computer science is more a study of life and ourselves than a derivative of math, physics, and logics. If they can recognize characters, they are able to read, speak, and be aware of themselves. I am willing to devote my future energy and knowledge to the improvement of the artificial intelligence, to create the colossus out of "LEGO blocks". And every revolution in technology brings about a whole world of possibilities, so will the AI. I believe that the soul of the computer will render human society infinite chances to survive and thrive.