Kindly review and edit. All suggestions welcome.
Illuminati- the Physics Club of our school is one of the facades of school life that I will remember forever.
I genuinely feel that without this facet of my high school, I would have been incomplete. During my last year at school I was appointed the Vice President of the School's Physics Club that I had joined 4 years ago. At that time, I joined solely to pursue my interest in physics. In the course of our four year relationship it has taught me a lot more than physics. Back then I was new to the club, I used to think that the entire Club functioning was centered on Physics. My participation in the club activities was solely limited to as a member who represented schools in various competitions. But as I joined senior school and became part of an organizing committee of the annual inter school Physics Symposium, I realized what working behind the scenes meant. Subsequently, when I was given the post, I learned how to manage funds and other resources. The picture that I had in the back of my mind about a successful organization working efficiently got another dimension added to it. The lessons that I learnt on management, interacting with people, meeting deadlines were something that were new-fangled. As a junior member I had never even spared a thought on how the club functioned. The club activities taught me lessons that can never be taught in academic classes and teacher-student setting. The group bonding that I shared with my club members whether senior or junior was unique. I feel amazed when I think how shy, introvert and inexperienced I was before and how I have gradually evolved as an individual. For my club and my juniors, the journey would not end here, but for me it would.
The club activities taught me lessons that can never be taught in academic classes and teacher-student setting.
Use a different word there!
Rest Seems fine to me!.. but i guess you must wait for a reply from one of the moderators or a contributor.
Good Luck
thanks...
Moderators....whr r u...
i think that you need to work on your last statement though. make it more impacting. everything else sounds good assuming you've made correction submitted by person before me.
It's a good story, but might just need a little more clarification in the wording.
facade has a little bit of a negative connotation. facade in a figurative meaning means a way to conceal a less pleasant or credible reality. try... facet there? and in the next sentence use a more simple word like, piece, or part of my high school.
facade in a figurative meaning means a way to conceal a less pleasant or credible reality.
Rework?:
My participation in the club activities was solely limited to as amember who represented schools in various competitions.
But as I joinedsenior schooland became part... (whats that?)
Subsequently, when I was given the post, I learned how to manage funds and other resources. (I think the more simpler sentence works better)
The group bonding that I shared with my club members whether senior or junior was unique. (Both really similar words, use one?)
The group bonding that I shared with my club members whether senior or junior was unique.
(Your last sentence seems kindof... "ending" I think a better approach would be to say that this experience will never end because you plan on bringing this experience, these skills to the university, and you would like to continue studying Physics.)
good luck!
ps. would you mind looking at mine too? others are very welcome:
Illinois essay - "I have never 'discovered' nature"
Illuminati- the Physics Club of our school is one of the facadesaspects of school life that I will remember forever.
I genuinely feel that without this facet of my high school, I would be incomplete.
I feel amazed when I think how shy, introverted and inexperienced I was before and how I have gradually evolved as an individual. For the club and its junior members, the journey would not end here, and although my own process with the club has come to an end, my journey can continue at [the school to which you are applying]...
