Hi, everyone! This is my UIUC essay. Could you please give me any suggestions about the content, grammar, structure, etc? Thanks a lot.
Prompt: In an essay of 300 words or less, write about how your personal or academic interests relate to your intellectual or professional goals.
Mathematics and Computer Technology
Information Technology provides us with an opportunity to make the world a better connected and smaller place, which attracts me to Computer Science. Even before I was old enough to go to school, I had the opportunity for contact with computers, which affected my choice of career and gradually developed my knowledge of the world of computers.
I enjoy studying mathematics and physics at school, which will benefit my study of computing at university. Studying mathematics cultivates my ability to think over and to solve problems. I find it very useful and significant. For instance, programming requires mathematical thinking, because programming makes strong use of logical analysis, a skill that is mainly cultivated through mathematics.
Instead of playing computer games, I am more interested in operation and installation. I like to dismantle some machines into sections and then join them together in order to see how they work. I achieved the certificate of primary and secondary level in computers when I was in Grade 6th and the certificate of Visual Basic when I was in Grade 8th. Because of this, when my neighbors had trouble with their computers, they asked me to help and called me "a little engineer".
During university, I wish to have an opportunity of practical training in a company based on computer technology, such as Microsoft or Google. I hope to improve myself further through my studies and practical experience, so that I will become more competitive when applying for graduate education and future positions. Through my studies, I want to cultivate my ability to handle both practical issues and the demands of research as well as the ability of leadership, so that I can create my own company in the future.Your points here seem a bit disconnected. For example, the second paragraph talks about programming, while in your third paragraph you talk about hardware and being "a little engineer." Perhaps you could take your concluding sentence "I can create my own company in the future" and turn it into a introductory statement "My main professional goal is to one day own my own computer company, and I have deliberately chosen personal and academic interests that complement that goal." Or something like that, that gives you a way to unify all of your points.
