Hi,
This is one of those last minute submissions. Would appreciate any feedback and suggestions to improve it. Here's the prompt and the essay. Thanks in advance for feedback.
Nurit
Discuss an issue of local concern. Why is this issue important to you? How do you think it should be addressed?
I have been thinking about this question for days and I have been bouncing a whole spectrum of issues in my head - The downturn of US economy and how it is affecting our community, isolation among senior citizens, traffic snarls during rush hour or our over-crowded mass transit system. I picked up the newspaper this morning, still not sure which of these issues I was so passionate about that I could write about it for my college application. And then I read these headlines:
"HS student Crashes into Police Car!"
"Teens arrested for DWI!"
"14 Year Old Found Dead in Snow, Due to Alcohol Poisoning!"
This was just today. It struck me suddenly that at least three to four such incidents involving local teens were reported every week in the local newspapers. Alcohol abuse among teens is increasingly attaining epidemic proportions and statistics on teenage drunk driving are startling. I did not realize the extremities of this monstrosity among teens until it hit close to home... It took me a while to understand why my classmate, who was a star athlete, a national scholar and seen as somewhat of a role model by everyone, all of a sudden started seeming so distant, disheveled and not so concerned about his grades in school. It turned out that he too had succumbed to the 'glamour and glitz' of being 'popular'. I could relate to some of these pressures as I remember feeling terrible for so many weekends when I had no one to 'hang out' with as I could not see the point in hanging around aimlessly at the mall and then going over to someone's place, the night generally ending with most of them being drunk. Shocking but true!
Many studies have been conducted on the short term and long term effects of alcohol abuse among teens. Adolescence is the time when the body is undergoing significant changes and at the same time the teens are expanding their social circle and are under increased pressure to 'fit in' and be socially accepted among peers. These circumstances can be very confusing and difficult to deal with for a teen at that stage of immaturity.
Exposure to alcohol at this early age results in impaired judgment and interrupts key processes of development of the brain, sometimes with tragic and long term effects. Liver damage, pancreatitis, certain cancers and dementia are some of its long term effects. Apart from the fact that it is illegal and its health implications for the teen, underage drinking poses a high risk to the society as well. The National Highway Traffic Safety Administration reports that the leading cause of death amongst teens ages 15-24 are motor vehicle crashes and it is also reported that one out of ten teens get into a crash involving alcohol. Studies have also linked increased suicide rate, depression, inability to deal with stressful situations and involvement in high-risk sexual activities among teens directly with alcohol abuse.
I firmly believe that today's teens are tomorrow's leaders with tremendous potential and ability to come up with innovative ideas to steer our nation out of the crisis it is in today. Alcohol awareness programs like Mothers Against Drunk Driving (MADD), Students Against Drunk Driving (SADD), are already playing a proactive role in making teens aware of the dangers of underage drinking. Positive role models, strong family values and active participation of young adults within their community can also go a long way in keeping teens from becoming another heartbreaking news headline.
This essay is well-written. If you had more time and space, I would suggest engaging in a more in-depth discussion of what constitutes alcohol abuse, and why teenagers might engage in it ("to fit in" doesn't really work, because that is only an issue if many teenagers are already drinking. Thus, peer-pressure might add to the problem once it is established, but it doesn't explain how the problem gets established in the first place). However, I don't think you have the room to do this in an admissions essay, so what you have should be fine.
