Hello! I'm looking for any comments on the grammar or content of my essay. I was trying to focus on how the differences between people actually bring them together to form a much more enriching experience.
Please notify me if you think my vocabulary is too repetitive!
Share an experience through which you have gained respect for intellectual, social, or cultural differences. Comment on how your personal experiences and achievements would contribute to the diversity of the University of Michigan.
Sitting down at the round lunch table, I anxiously stared at all the different faces surrounding me. With some hesitation, I took out the plastic container that held my home-made lunch. As I pulled off the lid, I silently muttered to myself, "Please, please, please do not stink up the cafeteria." Raising my head, I realized that nobody took any notice of my Korean-style lunch, because they were busy unpacking their own ethnic food. Coming from very different backgrounds, my friends and I varied greatly in color, size, shape, and style.
Gradually getting to know my friends through their ethnic lunches, I realized that differences connected my friends and me as people. The diversity existed not only in race, but also in intellectual and social aspects. Looking around, I could easily spot a group of friends talking about the latest fashion craze, while others debated about a recent political controversy. Although my friends possessed their own individual ethnicity, fashion sense, political stance, and perspectives on life, the differences between them complemented each other.
Through my encounters with the distinctive traits and talents of my friends, I have gained a large array of enriching learning experiences and life lessons. As many people have influenced me with their uniqueness, I hope to contribute to the diversity of the University of Michigan with my own individuality as a Korean-American, a female, an engineer, and a human being.
Thanks baubau :)
It would be great if others could comment on the essay. I'm afraid that the example isn't strong enough, but I was kind of tired of being so serious in my essays. I wanted to show how a simple experience could represent something so much more. I know some parts of it are cheesy, but...that's just how I am I guess!
So...ANY FEEDBACK WOULD BE VERY VERY VERY MUCH APPRECIATED!! :D
Sitting down at the round lunch table, I anxiously stared at all the various faces surrounding me.
Although my friends possessed their own unique ethnicities , fashion preferences , political stances , and perspectives on life, the differences between them complemented each other.
This is great!! Also, your username is my favorite food. The language is not too repetitive, but I fixed those minor errors above. And actually, the change to "various" was not even an error, just an idea for improvement.
