So I was thinking that I might have described him a little too much, and not enough of his impact... any advice/ideas on this?? Thanks, ill reply!!
As I open the door, I usually search for his furrowed outline throughout the room. On one particular day however, the various objects scattered amongst his house caught my attention first, drawing from me more than just a perfunctory glance. A closer view revealed to me the utter simplicity of the man's lifestyle. Antique trinkets lie in no specific order around his den, a living space characteristic to that of a scientist or a Renaissance thinker. Yet, my Great Uncle Jim is neither, and while he is simple in his approach, I rarely give him credit for how much he has taught me.
Before I go on, it is important to note that regardless of relation to Uncle Jim, everyone refers to him as "Uncle". Friends and family alike all call him "Uncle Jim". He is sort of like the figurehead of my family, a man that you would not cross, but that you might seek guidance from. No one is afraid of Uncle Jim because he does not instill fear, but a sense of respect in all of those that he knows.
Any time I asked him about his life, the response was honest as far as I knew. "Well you know Bob; I go to work at the same time each day. I've been working there for close to fifty years by the way. And today's Wednesday, so I have pasta for dinner." I have nothing against his simplicity at all. I actually believe that there is a lot to be learned from the tranquility, though at times I've thought that maybe he deserved a little more variation in his life. But as always with Uncle Jim, there was a surprise in store for me. It took me until the age of about twelve to find out that there was more to Uncle Jim than I had already known. While I do value his humility, I have to admit that I was rather concerned for his mental health when I found out what he had been keeping from me. It turned out that my Uncle Jim actually played for the San Francisco Giants in the MLB, and held a high position in the army during World War 2. "Oh yes, quite an experience that was" he comments with a nonchalant tone.
While teachers, mentors, and similar figures teach with intent, I'm not quite sure I can say the same for Uncle Jim. In fact, I don't know if he realizes that he has taught me anything at all. I have spent a lot of time around him while he carries out everyday tasks, like fixing his computer, or even doing the laundry. He doesn't speak very much when he does these things, but I'm quite observant, and his little perfection driven tricks rarely slip past me. Like when he waits exactly ten seconds after cooking something in the microwave before he opens the door. I started counting three years ago, and it has always been the same.
My uncle Jim has never sat me down to engage in an informative conversation. He has never consciously directed me to perform any particular task. If he's ever scolded me, it's been with a fleeting glance of disappointment, but nothing more. And while communicating slowly becomes difficult for him, he teaches me just as much as ever. He inspires by example, a trait that I cannot ignore. My respect for him continues to grow. Although he has never actually said it before, my Uncle Jim has communicated a very strong message to me: as powerful as words may be, only action can move the world.
interesting essay! wow - an MLB player for an uncle!
I would just make a couple of minor changes:
- "figurehead of my family, a man that you would not cross" maybe consider changing the comma to a hyphen because I really like the sentence but feel it could have more of an impact
- if you can, try adding some deeper ways as to how your uncle has changed your life - if he has taught you the understated greatness of simplicity, touch on that a little more.
hope my suggestions are helpful! good luck!
Fun essay! Your voice definitely is there, but I want to know more about you and less about Uncle Jim. It's all about your Uncle's influence so be sure to relate it back to yourself some more. How has he impacted your dreams and the things you want to do in life? Has he changed your view on life? Be sure to incorporate that somehow. But very clean and well organized essay. Also, I may take out "Before I go on, it is important to note that regardless of relation to Uncle Jim, everyone refers to him as "Uncle". Friends and family alike all call him "Uncle Jim"." I don't think it's absolutely mandatory to include in the essay. :)
Great job! Good luck!
And if you have time, I'd love to hear your feedback for my Common App essay. :)
