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"The unconscious" 300 words--My Kenyon supplement essay


charleswoo 2 / 5  
Oct 24, 2010   #1
Hey, everyone. Could you please read my supplement and give me any suggestions? I'd really appreciate your help. Thank you so much.
Here's the topic:
Neuroscientists have recently discovered the part of the brain most active in decision-making. What human trait would you most want to understand and what makes it significant to you?

(I've asked a psychologist if it's ok to write about the unconscious, he said it's fine.)

The human trait that I'd like to understand most is the unconscious

When the unconscious started
In my childhood, my father was an alcoholic. And after he got drunk, he would conduct brutal deeds to my mom who was devastated both mentally and physically. I had long been exposed to family violence. Even though they finally divorced, the experience still has a great impact on me. I only learned from Freud that childhood memories can be suppressed into the unconscious, but I need to figure out the subtle relationship between the past and the present. So besides sharpening my sensitivity for human minds and incenting my sympathy for the weak and minority, I will strive to know what else the unconscious gave me.

The unconscious helps me
Inevitably, I emerged some symptoms of mental disorders as I grew up. I sought help from shrinks in China, but the poor development of psychology in China couldn't effectively fight the diseases. Thus, in addition to finding the solution by myself, I decided to go to America and receive the most advanced education. The unconscious is always considered a key to tackling the mental problems and saving people. If I could gain more knowledge about it, I would bring out the greater potential in me and seize more opportunities to achieve success.

The unconscious saves people
With the knowledge of the unconscious, idealistic as it may sound, I could reach deep down inside people's mind and delete the negative information stuck there, which is the cause of sorrows and pains. So everyone can thrust the chest forward when facing life without being obstructed by their weaknesses. Moreover, delving into the study of collective unconscious will help fix social problems, maintain social balance and make the world a better place.

This is what the unconscious means to me and to the people I'll save.
OP charleswoo 2 / 5  
Oct 25, 2010   #2
Ryan,
Thank you very much for your corrections. They're really helpful.
BTW, the "unconscious", which a noun here, is a prefered term for "subconscious" nowadays.
Still, I really appreciate your help.
OP charleswoo 2 / 5  
Oct 29, 2010   #3
Anyone else wanna say something? I still need some other advice. Thank you
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Oct 29, 2010   #4
You don't emerge; the symptoms emerged. You can exhibit the symptoms, but you do not emerge them. Emerging is not something someone can do to something.

Inevitably, I exhibited/manifested some symptoms of mental disorders as I grew up.

Unconscious, subconscious... I think I do remember reading that unconscious is the preferred term in the field of psych, but both terms give us insight into what it is.

Hey, check out the work of Milton Erickson, too!

If you mention collective unconscious, you need to add a sentence to show that you know what it means.

Somewhere in the essay, answer their question directly by saying that the unconscious mind is the human trait is most significant to you. :-)


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