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'understand what teachers mean' - COMMON APP, SIGNIFICANT EXPERIENCE


cchi 1 / -  
Dec 20, 2011   #1
Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you:

Stuffed into a school bus with about sixty strangers, I looked out the window and breathed in crisp ocean air to avoid the wave of incoming nausea. After eight tiresome hours of claustrophobia, the bus finally pulled into a small, isolated mountainous town called San Telmo, Mexico. Since it is a farming town, the majority of the population remains uneducated. The adults are busy working all day and the kids spend their time loitering around the dusty streets. These children, full of curiosity and potential, have nothing to do, nowhere to go, and nothing to dream. Their future is set; when they grow up, they will work on farms like their parents. It is an endless cycle they cannot escape. Even though I could hardly speak a full sentence in Spanish, there was a connection between these children that I could never let go. I could play tag for hours and still want to run more. Every moment I looked into their big, brown eyes broke my heart hearing about where their future would go.

The organization that sponsored this trip had recently built a school for young children. The reactions from the children of the community were astounding to me. They were so eager and happy to have somewhere to go and learn. After they learned how to write their name, they would go around and show everyone their masterpieces. The papers with scrawled, clumsy handwriting were a beautiful sight. This rudimentary skill that seems so simple to us meant so much to them. The school did not only teach basic skills, but also planted hope into the children and taught them how to dream. Now they did not have to limit themselves to the monotony of a working life. Instead, they could aspire to be whatever they want to be. Even though the school may not seem like much now, it has built a foundation for an upcoming middle school and high school.

I finally understand what teachers mean when they say education is a privilege and not a right. To me, education is a precious gift, which I am extremely grateful for. Since I have been so blessed, I fully intend to take advantage of this gift and use it to the best of my ability. I admit, there are days where it is a battle to get out of bed and go to school, but now, as my high school career comes to an end, I regret those days. I cannot wait to continue learning and fully appreciate all higher education has to offer me.

Hello, this is my rough draft for my common app essay. I want to send this to Northwestern and Washington University, so please be as honest and brutal as possible!
Erica Htet 2 / 8  
Dec 20, 2011   #2
The overall idea of your essay is great. Just go with that idea but as it is a rough draft, I can see wordiness in your essay. Try to be concise.


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