Hello, please i need someone to review and criticize my dartmouth college supplement essay. I badly want to get into dartmouth so I need it to be great. Thanks
the lack of communication and understanding
Prompt: In the Bingo palace, author Louise Edrich, Class of 1976, writes "... no one gets wise enough to really understand the heart of another, though it is the task of our life to try". Discuss.
"I did not say..." she says
"No don't tell me that" he interrupts
This is a common scenario of my parents bickering. Sitting in the living room-or anywhere in the house actually- with my palm against my cheek, I watch my parents have their little argument while I try not to take a side when put in-between.
Time after time I wondered why it just won't stop, and then one day I realized "none of them wanted to listen. None of them wanted to understand". There wouldn't be any need for an argument in the first place if only one of them had tried to understand the other. Soon afterwards I began noticing this wasn't just an issue with my parents, it was everywhere- elders in the community, teachers not listening to students when done something wrong, friends when having differences.
I decided to carry out an experiment: at different times, I spoke to my parents separately about the lack of communication and understanding in their relationship. After that, the rate of argument reduced and misunderstandings were resolved quicker. Although there are still times in which the initial problem is more consistent, it shows that a little bit of understanding can go a long way. Personally, I have taken this lesson from my parents and apply it to the rest of the world around me.
Also, I believe that to understand, one has to listen first. Therefore, If to even a small degree people can try to listen and then understand the heart of another then there would be a great positive change. (263 words)
Holt Educational Consultant - / 10,531 3446
Sharon, rather than trying to apply the prompt to the world around you, try to apply it to yourself instead. While you do sound wise when discussing it as it applies to others, they are not the interest point of the essay. The interest point is yourself. You are the applicant after all. So focus on using the quote as it applies to who you are, how you communicate with others, or any instance when the quote seems to have applied in a useful manner to a situation you had previously found yourself in. You show an ability to portray the image of a woman wise beyond her years when it comes to the point of view of observing other people. Now apply it to yourself to help the reviewer understand who you are in the context of the prompt that was provided. The reviewer will then get to understand how you interact with others and how you make friends or could be helpful in creating a friendly and open minded student community at the university.
I think you decided you base your essay off an interesting topic. It's unique, and I like that.
That said, I wanted to hear more of how exactly you "have taken this lesson from my parents ...".
I think you should definitely rewrite this clause because it sounds superficial and perfunctory, when you say you applied it to the "rest of the world".
It's good how you displayed yourself as a problem solver and perhaps a creative thinker, but you need to talk more about how that affected you, and how you applied it to your life, specifically.