Hey guys I'd really appreciate some feedback.. i hope some one form essayforum can tell me how it actually is.. Pls read.. thanks alot :)
Undiscovered Equations
A fallacy. A story unheard. A site unexplored. I'd had it my entire life. "You're going to regret it", my friends laughed irrevocably. It pinched me when they jeered, they answered and I stared, they discussed and I wondered. I would barely scrape past with a B grade and for all others around me it was a foregone conclusion. I was part of the rat race to do well, to push past the wall of success. And yes, science was just that.
Scientifically I'm made up of mass, molecules, atoms and very complicated things which take the human brain ages and perhaps millennia to research about. Morally and spiritually I'm still being constructed and have a mountain to climb. I screamed, I howled and murdered all my values as I spoke agitatedly to my parents. I was oblivious to what they said. They egged me to pursue Science, the tougher and more challenging of the many tasks I could handle and of course - I blatantly refused. I'd never done well, never worked hard enough. It meant putting in six hours of work daily and hanging out with the so called 'nerds', a complete no to my image.
Pocket money was slashed. Outings were monitored and the next thing I saw myself doing was sitting in class 11B ducking Vectors flying around. I reluctantly opened my book and took a cursory glance at the page. Though I had to put in great effort, I moved a step closer and discovered a new insight into the subjects. Chemistry had been my biggest enemy and now that was the only subject I could take refuge in - a fact I never divulged to my mom. She'd been right. I enjoyed chemistry. 'Motion and Atomic Structure' ...which kid hasn't studied it in its elementary stages? I never understood it and took my first step towards doing so - Progress! The Physics assignments were daunting tasks and left me completely drained out. Eventually I had to work hard. I was scared! Who wanted to fail? Time management - Another victory for my father this time - Accomplishment!
As I began to gather back my momentum, interest and energy, my struggles were observed and I was handed over a letter by my father requesting the Headmaster to change my stream. An oasis in the desert! Since I was still confused I grabbed the offer and rushed to the Headmaster's office clutching on to the letter ... my freedom for the moment. But just a step back and I found myself doing again something I never expected from my self - a cluster of the shredded letter and a grim look. I had actually managed to do some scathing introspection and thought that all my life I have only escaped from hard work, taking the easy way out and for once I should listen to what my mind says. And thus, I established my relationship with Physics and Chemistry for another two years! And the love affair began!
There were more reasons to this story. Any relative that came along inevitably jumped to the question, "So, what have you taken?" And I proudly answered "Science" and as the conventional Indian Wisdom goes they thought that I'd go ahead do Engineering, Go abroad, work with a Multi-national company and earn a lot of money!
As dramatic as it may sound, studying Science gave me the sort of happiness I had never felt before, and as trivial as it may seem to others, it was a risk worth taking. These two formative years prepared me at the grass root level and made me realize that subjects like Economics, Finance and Psychology was where I wanted to be - a realization that will arm me to the hilt for all my future endeavors. It was the experience I got when I didn't get what I had wanted.
It took 16 years, A couple of bad grades, A war within the mind, a few parties which I didn't attend and one decision to help me discover my inherent capabilities, my core needs and most importantly my parents' worth. The climb was going to be difficult but the view was going to be worth it and I'm going to start my college life with just one word, Faith!
I was part of the rat race to do well, to push past the wall of success. And yes, science was just that.
I'm a fan of your writing already... very impressive. But right here you are not so clear. The word 'that' refers to something, and I am not sure what that is!
It's important to fix that lapse in clarity, because right there at the end of the first paragraph is where the reader draws a conclusion about the main message behind the essay.
I screamed,
I howled and murdered...
There were more reasons to this story. --I think a different topic sentence would be better at the start of this paragraph.
And I proudly answered
, "Science
," and as the conventional Indian
Wisdom wisdom goes they thought that I'd
go ahead do
Engineering, Go engineering, go abroad, work with a
Multi multinational company
, and earn a lot of money!
You are such a good writer! I hope you study Strunk and White carefully. :-)
