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'unexplainable bond' - Burnett Honor College Essay for Entrance

scholargirl 3 / 3  
Mar 1, 2009   #1
The Prompt: The writer Pearl Buck once said:"One face the future with one's past." What in your life and your background made you who you are today?

From the moment a mother gives birth to a child there is an unexplainable bond between them. A bond that is both indefinable and intangible. A special understanding unique and irreplaceable, such was the bond between my mother and I. The short fourteen years that I had with my mother not only gave me the foundation to live my life upon, but also provided me the strength to continue my life without her. My mothers love, and dedication in her life has inspired me, and will continue to be a driving force in my future.

There is love in truth and truth is in love. There is no greater love, nor truth, then is found in a bond between a mother and a child. The love she shows her children will stay with them throughout their lifetime. My mother taught me to love, and more importantly showed me how to love. To love my family, to love people for who they are and most important, to love my life. To overcome the hardships and realize that there is a greater meaning then we can understand and to celebrate the winnings and triumphs that life will too, provide.

Dedication can also be derived from love. My mother was a very dedicated woman who taught me to stand by my decisions in life. Her strength and dedication to her husband, her children, her hobbies and her faith shined in everything she did. It is because of my mother that I have the same beliefs and values. I take tremendous pride knowing that my mother gave me a foundation of values that has, and will, continue to aid in my successes.

Plain is boring or so my mother thought. Stand out, be different, don't let your thoughts limit you, be creative. If my mother was anything during her life, she was creative. She never was just another mother, just another wife, just another woman. She always stood up and let herself be known. She always pushed me to stand out and rise above. My strength, my uniqueness, and passion all stem from my mothers limitless creativity.

Be different, stand out, love, be true, be dedicated to what is important to you, and don't let anyone or anything hold you back. Although I lost my mother early in my life, her words will forever live in me and continue to inspire me as I start a new chapter in my life, College at the University of Central Florida.

Is my essay to broad not specifying exactly how my experiences will affect my future? I don't know please help!
silverystars 14 / 105  
Mar 1, 2009   #2
This is good. The only thing I suggest involves personalizing your points. For example, the introduction to the second paragraph: "There is love in truth and truth is in love." It's a good sentiment. But at the same time that you attempt to make your experience universal, you distance yourself from the assigned prompt. I should note, though, that the introduction to the fourth paragraph ("Plain is boring...") draws the reader in and works very well at making your essay personal, which, in the long run, makes it more universal. Since your essay is about you, your relationship with your mother, and your future, less generalization will help to give your essay more impact. I hope this helps!
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Mar 2, 2009   #3
Plain is boring -- or so my mother thought. Stand out; be different; don't let your thoughts limit you; be creative. If my mother was anything during her life, she was creative.

See how I changed to semi-colons?

Also, consider moving this so that it is the first sentence fo the essay. You can move whole paragraphs around in this essay. When you do another draft, try the paragraphs in differen orders to see what feels right.

It is all good stuff. Can you talk about how you acted in certain situations based on her example, based on taking her lessons to heart? Oh, I see that silverystars also mentioned something about not being so general. Yes, tell the specific ways it effected you -- by using personal anecdotes. Use a few brief ones, not one long one.

good luck!!!
EF_Sean 6 / 3,491  
Mar 2, 2009   #4
Specific is good, as the others have mentioned. In addition to specific anecdotes, you might want to discuss some of the specific values, apart from individualism and dedication, your mother imparted to you. These could, of course, be conveyed by any anecdotes you do add, so the essay shouldn't get too long.

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