It's almost the deadline so I'd appreciate ANY sort of help last minute before I show this up to the big boys. Thanks !
Prompt #1: "Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations."
There I was, staring into the smiles of many in the unfamiliar land of America. How are they so fortunate? How are their smiles so lucid? Perhaps I saw myself as young and naïve, but I didn't fully recognize the troubles that I had as a small Korean immigrant- or at least until I experienced it. Of course a young Korean immigrant kid would never understand the world around him as others say, and it only felt natural that I trust my parents to make the best decisions regarding our lives. My mother was always a feisty one who'd truffle away her true emotions, which as a kid I never really understood her true intents. Her smile, followed by her furrowed eyes and slight dimples pulling inward towards her right cheek, consisted of something much deeper than its outlook. It was the pain she was hiding; not only in the sense of stress, but also in the literal sense which was caused by a horrifying car accident with serious injuries to her teeth. Being an immigrant from Korea, economic hardships naturally followed exposure to proper medical health care dimmed slowly until it was almost out of reach. Still, my mother would smile and attempt to comfort me, but I saw through her broken smiles. Something was missing, and it was suddenly my responsibility to do something about it. That's when I realized that I wasn't the naïve Korean kid that I once used to be. I was now a dreamer.
Countless dentists we've visited, but none were accounted to cover for our dental health care. The costs were too great, but each rejection welcomed me with my mother's pleasant smiles toward me not to lose hope. Finally, we met a generous dentist in town who ensured us of our dental health care at very low costs. I didn't know until then that a drop of generosity can change my mother's smile so much. Perhaps for forever- or so I thought. Feeling relieved and unaware of reality, I sensed the end of our dental struggles. Thinking that she'll finally smile without trying to hide her pain, I slept through the night extra restfully. I woke up on a Thursday late morning greeted by an aroma of coffee and a cup of milk for myself only to realize that the true intent behind mother's desperate search for a good dentist was for me. I was consumed with frustration like a slow progressing magma, and left the table with the milk half empty. The cup was not half full today. I felt half empty.
Feeling unworthy to receive the sacrifice of my mother's treatment for my own, I strongly disagreed with the dental care but being the feisty woman that she is, she forcefully placed me under the dental care. I laid still on the dental chair and at the corner of my right eye, I've noticed something that I was completely unaware of throughout this whole time; her smiles were still incomplete with her fake set of teeth. Maybe I won't understand why she would make such a sacrifice for me, nor would I ever grasp her sacrificial love. But growing from the once naïve Korean kid that I had been, I've realized that the harsh experience has made me stronger. Perhaps it's maturity, but my only wish became that she gets the proper treatment that she needed. Determined by the sacrifices made due to financial struggles and a drop of generosity, my dream rooted deeper as I watched her smile from so close; to become the first dentist to give back the real beautiful smile that she deserves. I truly hold to my dreams, and like a good sun would, I desire to shine my light to give back the sunshine that she once lost. After all, a smile a day keeps the dentists away right?
economic hardships naturally followed by exposure to proper medical...
each rejection was welcomed by my mother's pleasant smiles toward me not to lose hope.
Maybe I won't understand why she would make such a sacrifice for me, nor would I ever grasp her sacrificial love. (this is a good sentence, but putting it at the last paragraph, when you already knew how much a mother would sacrifice it for you at this time, which is what shaped your aspirations, seems a bit corny. perhaps move it somewhere earlier in the essay? or make it explicit that this was your thought when you are still the naive child.)
...to give back the sunshine that she once had ... (if she once lost it, that mean she has it now?)
overall, a good story and good grammar, very good variety of sentencing.
