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"unfortunate situations are my favorite..." UVA essay


trishhha 8 / 23  
Sep 22, 2011   #1
U.V.A essay prompt: What is something you secretly like, but pretend to dislike? (250 words)

Please help and be very critical !!!

Often times we get stuck in unfortunate situations such as unwillingly being stranded home alone. Or even the most common of them all, a flat tire in the pouring rain. I have been through all these unfortunate situations and secretly, they all seemed to bring about some sort of thrill and excitement. It would seem indecent to openly be amused through these situations but secretly craving those opens up a world of inner challenges and fears waiting to be overcome.

Last summer while Hurricane Irene was creating havoc in the east coast, my entire family was on vacation in China. Watching my neighbors frantically scurrying around town to stock up on groceries and utilities, I sat in my room amusingly watching. This hurricane can't do anything to me, I thought. As expected, the storm had begun that Saturday afternoon. My mom's stomach was probably doing upside down flips at the mere thought of me being stranded alone during such a hurricane. Little did she know that I was enthralled through the whole storm. The power was still running as it usually did, the basement looked pristine, and there were no floods or any other damages. "Not a thing to worry about," I informed my mom.

Of course in a situation like this one, I was saved by pure luck or a childishly amused attitude, but there were many families who were hit hard by this hurricane. Putting this amusement aside, I realized it was my duty to help out those in need, especially since I had it better than anyone else. It is situations like these in which one must capture a pretentious behavior and sympathize with those in need of a hand. But to me, the most unfortunate scenarios are the ones that fascinate me the most.
ibsurd2012 1 / 9  
Sep 23, 2011   #2
Hi There

I think your idea and flow is greatly executed, and the prompt well answered.

Well done.
Paul Jo 6 / 29  
Sep 23, 2011   #3
Lovely opening paragraph!! An extremely well structured writing with perspicacious development of idea.

The conversational tone of the essay made me very comportable to read it.

However, I spotted a few minor grammatical mistakes.

''My mom's stomach was probably doing upside down flips flipping at the mere thought of me my being stranded alone during such a hurricane."
OP trishhha 8 / 23  
Sep 26, 2011   #4
Do you think that the conclusion of this essay is a bit awkward? I feel like the word "pretentious" may come off wrong to some readers? What do you guys think?

I appreciate your feedback! thank you :)
isabellaclaudia 14 / 31  
Sep 26, 2011   #5
no i dont think the word pretentious is wrongly used. i love your introduction! keep up the great job!
OP trishhha 8 / 23  
Sep 26, 2011   #6
thank you guys for your feedback :)


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