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'Essay about Unicorns; Greed still rules the human race' - U of M Honors


esha33 1 / -  
Mar 25, 2012   #1
U of M Honors College Essay Topic: Explain Unicorns.

MY ESSAY:

The horse had gills, and was therefore disowned by his family. Oh, the shame, to be a horse with gills! He ran away from home, determined never to turn back. He ran and ran, until he found the sea shore... and for the first time in his life, he could truly breathe. He inhaled the salty ocean air and breathed a sigh of relief: he was free. It was not long before he met a beautiful narwhal, and it was truly love at first sight; love despite differences, love despite the world's expectations, love despite limits. A year later, the first unicorn was born. This creature was like none other the Earth had seen before. It had a pure, milky-white coat that put the swan's feathers to shame. Its silken mane seemed to float upon every passing breeze and out of the very center of its forehead protruded a single, long and glistening spiraled horn. The whole world seemed to stop and stare for a few seconds at the breathtaking beauty of this newcomer.

After a few thousand years, there were millions of unicorns spread across the world. They coexisted with people and thrived on love and human beings' affection towards each other. All creatures on Earth seemed to be in perfect, harmonious balance. Then, something changed. A human betrayed his single-horned companion when he realized that the creature could be used for profit. Suddenly the whole human race was looking to get crushed unicorn horn and unicorn-mane-woven silk in its grasp. The slender creatures fled to the forests, the seashores, the skies; but mankind's hands were cruel. War broke out between the humans over the unicorns as if they were property; people started killing each other for silly reasons such as "the right to slaughter" and unicorns started to die off by the thousands. Greed took over and the horned horses became malnourished. Many were born with shorter horns and a dirtied, soiled coloring instead of the pure, former white. The delicate harmony had given itself away to chaos and confusion. Love turned into self-indulgence.

In today's world, true unicorns have almost completely disappeared. Greed still rules the human race and every single day, the Earth and its animals suffer because of it. Unicorns are not the only ones who have disappeared. Although some say that every once in a while, even today, a horse is born with a glossy sheen to its white fur that seems almost magical, and underneath its shaggy mane on its forehead, a small bump that no modern science can explain; perhaps love is not all lost.

Any suggestions to make this better or LONGER, greatly appreciated!
chalumeau /  
Mar 26, 2012   #2
Honors College Essay Topic: Explain Unicorns.
Do you have additional instructions?
Are you trying to write a myth?
Creative short story?
Research paper?
giorgio186 9 / 54  
Mar 28, 2012   #3
I would change the end. Maybe you could make use of parable with the animals that are being insensibly hunted nowadays. It could be a good allusion to contemporary global problems.

Does it help?
sherxon 1 / 11  
Apr 3, 2012   #4
you should read Harry Potter. then, you even can see another aspect of unicorns; how they were treated and killed
EF_Susan - / 2,364 12  
Apr 12, 2012   #5
Its silken mane seemed to float upon every passing breeze, and out of the very center of its forehead protruded a single, long and glistening spiraled horn.

The slender creatures fled into the forests, the seashores, the skies; but mankind's hands were cruel.

In today's world, true unicorns have almost completely disappeared.---I love that you said "...have ALMOST completely disappeared". You are an excellent writer!

I love the way you write! Thank you for breaking up my day with this sweet and thoughtful essay, it was a pleasure to read. Good luck with school and have fun! I look forward to reading more by you!

:)
Slowave - / 1  
Apr 13, 2012   #6
I don't think it needs to be longer at all, and I really liked it. It's a quirky prompt looking for quirky responses, and most writers could make a ton of mistakes approaching this prompt. I like the way you dive right in with a creation myth approach, as it's very creative and cleverly worded. It's the kind of answer a good parent would tell their kid as a bedtime story. It also says a lot about mankind, without being uppity or negative (or unrealistic). The end is positive.

All in all, excellent.

Do go to youtube and search "the rainbow goblins" for something that might provide some inspiration

youtube.com/watch?v=iv_mQX5dky4
alea 1 / 2  
Apr 13, 2012   #7
Would not change a thing it is attention grabbing and well written.


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