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"Unique experiance through playing guitar" College Essay


Brett 1 / 2  
Oct 20, 2010   #1
I have written this essay as a personal essay for one of my classes. I talked to my teacher a bit and we came to the conclusion that I could turn this essay into a really great college essay. My only problem is I have no idea what to change. I'm applying through the common app so I'm pretty sure it needs to be between 250-500 words. Right now I think it's at like 750 or so. So my question is what should I add to make it more about me. What should I remove to make it less about the guitar. Or any ideas on how to make the descriptions of my guitar tie into me intellectually. Any and all advice is appreciated, Thanks so much in advance. Also as a disclaimer- I have written this entirely by myself. I did not take any ideas from anyone else and everything was written in the same sitting without any interference/sources of copying. Please do not take any part of my essay and include it in your own without my permission, Thank you.

It's one of the most influential and popular instruments in our culture. The versatility and unique tones make it a powerful tool to describe something without using words. It helps me form special bonds with others due to similarities in feeling and soul. I can convert my emotions to sound waves and they suddenly become clear and understandable. Complex emotions flow out of my body and suddenly they don't seem so complicated. Each individual has their own purpose when they create music. This is my perspective.

Its stricken tone can strike a cord in my soul that leaves me craving more. It's a drug that demands more and more but it's never quite satisfied. The more I feed it the more powerful it becomes. Each phrase transforms into a memory, the sound waves plummet deeper into my soul as the intensity increases. Shivers run down my spine as the sounds shake nearly every cell in my body. Mentally I am in a different reality. I can see the sounds drift through the air almost as well as I can hear them. Each reaches out and grabs me in its own unique way leaving an imprint that matches the next. Like a chain of DNA it will run its course through my blood stream leaving its mark on everything it touches. It's the blues.

Its mind bending tone distorts my view on reality. The tones have no distinct features that are found anywhere else. It's one of a kind. It has a strange preference to repeat itself. It talks forwards and backwards to form its sound. Like a schizophrenic, the concepts it presents seem coherent to the speaker but when further analyzed, it does not follow any form or make any sense when compared to anything else. A sense of contentment will surround me, submerging me like water. Sadness will surround me as if the weight of the world rests upon my shoulders. Happiness will radiate from me as if I were as powerful as the sun. It's as close as I will come to experiencing a split personality; its best described as psychedelic rock.

Its understanding tone complements with others perfectly. It meshes sound waves together to produce a product that instills a desire to get up and do something. Each sound sends a signal to its unique body part. Whether it is a simple head nod, a tap of a foot or a dance. It's almost as if the sounds speak and it's giving instructions to perform an action to which I act upon. My attention is diverted to a positive action; all problems that run through your conscious are lost. If I were to put a label on it, I'd call it rock.

Its twisted tone clatters my bones and rattles my brain which resides inside of my skull. The sound resembles a thousand needles being poked and prodded into my body. The feeling is bitter sweet. Surges of energy course through my veins as the sounds travel through the air like a jagged arrow. The sound of machine gun fire overpowers the primitive whistle of the jagged arrow. It shakes me as if you were being fired upon in war. Each blast of sound resembles a friend or foe falling leaving me dazed and confused. However it doesn't matter, like a masochist I will always come crawling back for more. It will not take me to a different mental state so much as it will take me to a new physical state. It pounds from inside of me almost as if something is trying to escape from within; heavy metal.

It has the power to help me express things I normally would not be able to convey through words. It's its own language, a language which almost everyone can relate too. You may not be able to speak it but you can understand what I am conveying. I can fill the gap between rationality and feelings; which gives a better understanding of who I am as a person. I know it may sound like I am articulating my thoughts about music. I would probably think that if I were reading this; however the music produced through my guitar runs through my veins just as much as it travels through the air. In a way describing music is the best way to describe myself.
Yoda - / 5  
Oct 24, 2010   #2
Brett your essay has scope but it lacks substance. Its very abstract and does not tell me anything about you as an individual....other than the fact that you like music.

But that's not enough ! You have to connect it to something .It should tell us something about
your character and your views. Frankly, at one point it got boring .
Actually what you are asking us is something only you can do because we don't know you and
your essay also does not tell us anything.
Just rework the whole thing and post it up again.

Sapna
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Oct 25, 2010   #3
hey, first I want to say Sapna gets the Best Username Award.

Bret, lately I have been playing stuff in drop D but with all 6 strings a half step down. Makes me feel tough, because it is so deep and relentless. You should try it! :-)

Complex emotions flow out of my body and suddenly they don't seem so complicated.

I hope you learn about Chinese Medicine so you can see how different kinds of energy give rise to different kinds of emotions, and how your music lets emotions take form (i.e. just like dreams) so you can give expression to them.

view on reality--- view of, perspective on, but not view on

This sentence is very cool:
Its twisted tone clatters my bones and rattles my brain which resides inside of my skull.
But the end has got to go:
Its twisted tone clatters my bones and rattles my brain. which resides inside of my skull .

Oh, I see where Yoda mentions it got boring.. Well, that is the thing... it stays on one subject for too long. However, I think you have the solution here. A COLLEGE essay has to show how committed you are to your plan. Some people have no plan, and that is too bad, because they cannot be as impressive...

I want you to use the discussion of your music as a metaphor for your envisioned professional work. Your work as a professional is music, too... (especially if you major in psych and become a music therapist)

So, compound the theme of this by making it so that it is not even about guitar. Make it so that the whole discussion of music is necessary in order to express your career outlook.
OP Brett 1 / 2  
Oct 26, 2010   #4
well based off Yoda's response I scraped that essay and drafted up a entirely new one. This one focuses more on how playing guitar has taught me more about myself. Patience, logic, dedication, passion etc. I don't plan on majoring in anything music related. I'm planning on majoring in computer science so I think my new essay compliments it better. If you would like to read it ill post it up here. Thanks for the info, really detailed and I'll definitely drop down to D.
fsaleh2011 2 / 3  
Oct 26, 2010   #5
I cannot say much more than I love this essay. I felt like I was a part of the essay. I admire your clever use of imagery in the second to last paragraph. Nice job!
OP Brett 1 / 2  
Oct 28, 2010   #6
So I scraped that essay based off Yoda's response. I have made a new one that focuses off what I have learned through playing rather than what I think of music. Tell me what you guys think, thanks-

The metal strings tore my fingertips apart to the point where I couldn't even type. I remember thoughts of quitting due to the pain being so hard to deal with. I attempted to take shortcuts in order to build up calluses faster, or so I thought. I had read online that rubbing alcohol on your fingertips will dry out the skin and therefore build up calluses faster than normal. It of course didn't work and I was left with no choice but to endure the pain. Learning chords seemed almost physically impossible. I'd move one finger and the finger next to it would curl up into a ball. The constant repetition of scales gave me headaches and drove my family insane. The same sequence of emotionless notes being played over and over rang throughout the entire house. The best way to describe this process is painstaking and tedious.

However I stuck with it and with each day I saw improvements. The first of which were my newly formed calluses. As my finger strength improved and my endurance increased I was able to play more complex songs for a longer duration of time. The fruits of my labor were finally paying off. I was no longer playing redundant notes for lengthy amounts of time. I was beginning to take what I had learned and I started to isolate parts of the scales that I had been drilling into my head. I would isolate two or three notes and create unique and different phrases out of them. I would then slide down the neck to a different part of the scale and do the same thing there. As I began to experiment with my newly discovered concepts I further expanded my knowledge by increasing the length of what I was playing. Instead of playing two or three notes within the same area; I began to combine many notes ranging from the top of the neck to the bottom. I stopped playing the scales and I began to play with the scales.

Looking back on my experience with learning how to play guitar I realize I have learned much more than just being able to play an instrument. I have learned valuable life long lessons that I will keep for the rest of my life. Hard work always pays off in the end and taking short cuts will only hurt me in the long run. Practicing scales was extremely time consuming and it has revealed to me that I have an incredible amount of patience and a drive to succeed. These valuable lessons that I have learned will aid me in succeeding at your institution.
donrocks 5 / 120  
Oct 29, 2010   #7
Hi Bret!
Okay, The beginning is good but don't write about pain ruins the effect of other lines ( some which are very good).
Some lines were genuinely brilliant... like "metal fingers...." ; " I would move my finger..."; " drove my family insane...(HA HA)". ;)GREAT!!!!!!! Some of these lines are very very good.

Personal essay does not mean one single idea. It means 500 words, you need to put in your skills( that is in your case guitars), your ambitions and your extra activities.

You need to show you are a well rounded person and not just a guitarist. Frankly, if there is an competition between X and you where X mentions the camps he has been to... the research he has done... what are interesting fact about which would add on to their campus( like culture or background) then... you must remember that in an admission essay- you are in a race. Your essay needs to clear all laps before others.

Revamp the idea of the essay or the theme...
Be confident.. and I say this not to scare but.... Only mentioning guitar is a risk.... So, post up one more draft then we can work on editing and grammar of the essay. Okay, hope this helps... :-)
Yoda - / 5  
Oct 29, 2010   #8
Hi Brett!
This essay is much much better than your first attempt.:)

I'd move one finger and the finger next to it would curl up into a ball. The constant repetition of scales gave me headaches and drove my family insane.

I liked this line a lot.

I stopped playing the scales and I began to play with the scales.

Liked this one also.

But I do agree with Donrocks that you have only 500 words to talk about yourself and therefore you need to squeeze in different aspects about yourself.

OK music does require a lot of patience and hard work but there are any number of people doing
so.Try to bring in other aspects about yourself as well. have you performed for an audience ?If so
write about it.In case you have not then bring out other aspects about yourself and if possible inject some humour into it as well....it makes the reading more fun.

Keep the focus on yourself . Don't forget that Your essay is YOUR introduction to the admissions officer.


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