Hi, i really need your help in this essay. Please. Thank you.
What does a community mean to you?
I had ignored the tooth ache since the cavity was in the smallest of my molars. "I have a whole thirty teeth to do the eating. What's the rush?' I kept consoling myself. This ended last week when even one meal had become impossible due to the excruciating pain. However much bigger and healthier the other thirty were, their shared task, chewing, had become unattainable due to this minute tooth.
The teeth form an entity of their own in which each individual is equally valuable. They easily work together despite their various structures because they have a structure that holds them together: the gum. Otherwise, they cannot keep together and as a result lose a sense of purpose. The closer they are, the better they work and the more beautiful a person's smile.
To me, a community is like teeth. It is a group of people who feel each other's pain and carry each other's burdens. One's community is that which gives one a sense of belonging. These people share the same dream, needs, and to some extent, fears. They not only contain and withstand each other's weaknesses but also compliment each other's strengths. A community is an entity of its own in which the members are interdependent. The more united the members, the more successful a community is.
I had ignored the tooth ache since the cavity was in the smallest of my molars.(I'd change this sentence. It sounds awkward when reading it.
"I have a whole thirty teeth to do the eating. What's the rush?' I kept consoling myself. <---I'd change consoling. It doesn't sound like it belongs.
This ended last week when even onemy meals had become impossible due to the excruciating pain. <--- Specify "this". It'd make it easier to read.
However much bigger and healthier the other thirty were, their shared task, chewing, had become unattainable due to this minute tooth. <--- Again, an issue with the word choice. You want to pick words that flow with the essay, not ones that may impress the reader.
The teeth form an entity of their own in which each individual is equally valuable. They easily work together despite their various structures because they have a structure that holds them together: the gum. Otherwise, they cannot keep together, and as a result lose a sense of purpose. The closer they are, the better they work and the more beautiful a person's smile. I like this analogy. In all honesty, I think you should focus more on this part of the essay. When you add this part, however, it makes the beginning seem somewhat irrelevant.
To me, a community is like teeth. It is a group of people who feel each other's pain and carry each other's burdens. One's community is that which gives one a sense of belonging. These people share the same dream, needs, and to some extent, fears. They not only contain and withstand each other's weaknesses but also compliment each other's strengths. A community is an entity of its own in which the members are interdependent. The more united the members, the more successful a community is. The part that I highlighted in red needs to be changed. It sounds awkward. I'd also add something at the end about teeth, just so you can tie everything together.
hope I helped! good luck on your college endeavors :)
One's community is that which gives one a sense of belonging. - doesnt sound right
To me, a community is like teeth. It is a group of people who feel each other's pain and carry each other's burdens. - i dont think you need "to me," and i believe you can combine these 2 sentences with a ;
