Prompt: Considering both the specific undergraduate school or program to which you are applying and the broader University of Pennsylvania community, what academic, research, and/or extracurricular paths do you see yourself exploring at Penn?
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Balance is something that I revered even at a young age. Born into a family defined by both hemispheres of the brain, I have learned to juggle - and appreciate - my loves for both the logical precision of the sciences and emotional depth offered by music. For my future endeavors, making a single choice simply cannot do justice to encompass all of my interests. However, the University of Pennsylvania best satisfies my eclectic tastes, granting me an admirable balance that other institutions cannot.
As the youngest child of my family, I desire to continue the family tradition of medicine that three generations have established before me. While I may receive a solid foundation in UPenn's esteemed Biochemistry department (with the scope of its interdisciplinary approach to the sciences, as well as the availability for student research as early as the sophomore year), I especially enjoy the pre-professional opportunities to learn beyond the classroom. With the guidance of a renowned faculty and the encouragement for undergraduate to pursue additional studies at the University's School of Medicine, I will gain a profound exposure to the finer intricacies of health-related fields that fascinate me most. Nonetheless, I may also immerse myself into Penn's equally dominant disciplines in the humanities. From its inclusion of cross-cultural analyses to the more eccentric language offerings as Swahili and Portuguese, the General Education Curriculum not as a restraint, but another means of freedom to explore so much more. With such limitless possibilities, my love for experimentation with the unfamiliar may thrive anywhere from the next chemistry lab to a Cultural Anthropology class that I have yet to experience.
UPenn not only fosters the growth of the mind, but also the mutual growth of the artistic soul. The unique, diversified campus offers an abundance of opportunity to feed my insatiable curiosity. I await the time that I may share my infatuation for musical improvisation in the Penn Collective, or marvel at my peers' creativity in the Art Club. Even outside, with the picturesque Philadelphian city at my fingertips, I shall become engrossed in the limitless options to thrive in the ever welcoming, culturally rich community.
But apart from uniting two halves of my passions, the University offers something more: more prominently, Penn's heritage of service appeals to me the most. My four years of undergraduate studies would be altogether incomplete without the rewarding experience of sharing the values I adopt with those in need. Above all, I yearn to perpetuate my family's commitment to helping others; with numerous groups as Circle K and LIFT Philadelphia, I may quickly assimilate into action by becoming part of the institution's legacy of local engagement. As a young adult, student, and optimist, I too long to become part of UPenn's "spirit of cooperation."
Benjamin Franklin's ideal for a well-rounded undergraduate experience promises to preserve my childhood passions, as well as those that will flourish with new ventures on the campus. With UPenn's endless possibilities, I know that I may enjoy the best of both worlds - and then some.
Overall I think your essay is quite strong. The way you connected your own experiences and family life to UPenn makes the essay that much better. From reading it however, I felt that there were not too many specifics about Penn itself within the essay. For example, when you talk about Penn's Biochemistry department, you just mention it in passing, and don't go too much into detail. I feel if maybe you put a bit in there about something specific about that department in particular that appeals to you, it would be slightly stronger. Same thing for where you say "the unique, diversified campus" - that's a very general statement, which I think could be made stronger by a bit more detail about what you think is unique about Penn's campus.
Balance is something that I revered
I actually don't think revered is the right word. Balance is something you can value or cherish, but reverence is a feeling of admiration and respect. It is not really wrong, but I think cherish might be a better word.
I think you should say something in the first paragraph about balance in your education and ALSO about balance in medicine. That would make a great theme.
Here is another part I don't like: perpetuate my family's commitment ...
You uphold a commitment. Perpetuate is not quite right. You can also MAINTAIN the family's commitment.
:-)
Good luck in your great process!!! You seem very intelligent and committed.
