University Application: what is your favourite past time/hobby and why?

Here is my application essay for a business program in university.
-1500 characters or less
Please comment if you have any suggestions. I kinda suck at essays. ;P

I am a quiet girl in my leisure time and what I like is reading and sketching. The books open a whole new world in front of me. I like the way detectives find out who the murder is in Agatha Christie's novels, and I like the magic and power of a completely different world in Lord of Rings. Reading offers me a chance to have the feeling that I am actually being one of the people on scene. It brings me knowledge about various cultures. Also, I am able to be more creative. I usually sketch the characters from the novels I read based on my imagination. Sometimes I even create my own characters and I draw my own stories. Similar to reading, I create a new world in my drawing, where I can express myself and what I see in the real life. I look through others' art pieces and I get more ideas from them. I take these two hobbies to my daily life. I find a volunteer work to do art and crafting making. I met a lot of people who have the same hobby as me. I like having conversations with them and I appreciate their art work. I surly learned a lot from their enthusiasm towards their work and the spirit of never give up what they like. I get inspiration from them and I have more stories to tell in my own work. Part of the reasons I really want to get into ...(the name of that program) is also related to my hobby. Besides being a successful business girl, I would like to continue my childhood dream of having my own art shop. Reading and sketching are good ways to learn knowledge since they are what I like to do. I absorb new things from books I read, and I draw things to have more understanding of these knowledge. They bring colours to my life and I will never give up on them.

- I appreciate that if you could make corrections to my grammar and the organization of this essay. Thank you so much! :) -

I am a quiet girl, and in my leisure time I like to read and sketch.

The books open a whole new world in front of me.

Change "Lord of Rings" to "The Lord of the Rings."

I find a volunteer work to do art and crafting making.

I surely learned a lot from their enthusiasm towards their work and the spirit of never giving up what they like.

I am a quiet girl in nature and I'd like to spend my leisure time reading books and sketching.
I like the way detectives find out who the murderer is in Agatha Christie's novels, and I likeam fascinated with the magic and power of a completely different world in Lord of Rings.