The prompt for the essay is:
If you are not accepted into your major of choice (Biomedical, Health & Society, and Bioinformatics) within the BHSc program, which other major within the BHSC would you chose or would you choose an alternative program/faculty at the UofC? Provide reasons why?
the essay can only be 250 words max
this is the essay I came up with:
Although I'd prefer not to think about what I'd have to do if I don't get accepted into UofC's Biomedical Program, I know that there are multiple ways around this minor speed bump in the admissions process. Lucky for me I always like to come up with a back up plan immediately following every major decision I make. In this case my secondary plan of action was almost decided for me.
Knowing the absolute importance of the medical research field, especially in the world we live in today, I know there is a career waiting for me in this utterly necessary line of work. This personal goal of mine made choosing my back up major that much easier to decide and in the blink of an eye I would change my major to Biological Sciences if I knew for certain that the biomedical program was no longer a viable option.
This decision was made simple for me for one very distinct reason. While I do have a variety of other academic interests, they all pale in comparison to the commitment and passion I feel for the medical research industry. Growing up with two parents that are both heavily involved in pharmaceuticals, they nurtured my interest in the sciences from a very young age. As I've grown older I've realized to a larger extent that more than anything else relating to health sciences; the research sector is the foundation that all others rest upon. Bearing that in mind I know that in the event things do not go according to plan, I am prepared to bear the worst of it and continue forward without ever looking back.
I would like for everyone who reads this essay to tear it apart, I can take any critisism anyone throws at me I'm kind of inlove with this program and will do whatever it takes to get accepted. please fix grammar, spelling, syntax etc... anything and everything will help.
One last thing, the word count on this is 276 but the max is 250, is that going to be a problem i should worry about or is 26 extra words no big deal
i m not expert in english , but i didn't find any mistake.
your essay is very clear and well organised. the only thing that you have to pay more attentin for it is (comma and fullstop).
The prompt for the essay is:
If you are not accepted into your major of choice (Biomedical, Health & Society, and Bioinformatics) within the BHSc program, which other major within the BHSC would you chose or would you choose an alternative program/faculty at the UofC? Provide reasons why?
the essay can only be 250 words max
this is the essay I came up with:
Although I'd prefer not to think about what I'd have to do if I don't get accepted into UofC's Biomedical Program,(. the next is a new sentence so you have to put a fullstop , not comma) I know that there are multiple ways around this minor speed bump in the admissions process.
Knowing the absolute importance of the medical research field, especially in the world we live in today,(NEW SENTENCE) I know there is a career waiting for me in this utterly necessary line of work. This personal goal of mine made choosing my back up major that( CHECK IF YOU MUST ADD "IS" HERE) much easier to...
This decision was made simple for me( SO YOU GIVE THE IMPRESSION THAT SOMEONE HAVE DESIDE FOR YOUR , IT IS RIGHT? for one very distinct reason.
FOR YOU QUESTION I THINK THAT YOU HAVE TO RESPECT WHAT WAS REQUIRED FROM YOU . THE MAX IS 250 , SO YOU SHOULD NOT SURPASS THIS NUMBER. ASK AN EXPERT OR ANY OF YOUR TEACHERS, TO HAVE THE GOOD ADVICE.
GOOD LUCK.
Get these verb tenses to agree:
Although I'd prefer not to think about what I'd have to do if I didn't get..
or
Although I'd prefer not to think about what I'll have to do if I don't get...
Either of these ways is okay, but your way is not. I bet you can figure out why if you read them aloud.
there are multiple ways around this minor speed bump in the admissions process. --- This part seems a little cocky; maybe you can think of some better phrase to write?
This part below is an example of how you can make your writing more powerful if you get right to the point, saying what you have to say in fewer words:
Knowing the absolute importance of the medical research field, especially in the world we live in today, I know there is...---- this is clunky because of "Knowing that, ----> I know there is...
It'll be better if you get rid of "know" in one of those places:
My awareness of absolute importance of medical research in our modern world makes me confident that there is...
Your thoughtful reflection is really impressive! I think you should feel confident, because the reader will definitely be aware of your serious attitude toward medical science.
I think that the first sentence well at least this part "The Biomedical Program is by far my ideal choice, but if it was no longer a viable option," isn't needed as the question already asked you what you'd do if you weren't accepted. That way you can shave off a few words as surpassing the word limit is very serious. I think that some universities don't even bother to read it because you couldn't follow rules. Well that's my opinion good luck.
