University of Connecticut transfer essay - Storrs campus

Hi guys, I want to transfer to UConn, this is what I've written.
Please express your opinions. The more critical, the better. Thank you

perfect blend of academics, research, and sports

Please include a thoughtful commentary on your academic goals and an explanation of reasons for leaving your present/most recently attended college, and for wanting to attend the University of Connecticut. If your educational attendance has not been continuous, your essay must include information about your activities during those times not spent in school.

Before I begin reasoning why I would like to transfer to the University of Connecticut, I would like to say that I very much appreciate the opportunities provided to me at Broward College. Broward College has provided me with a stepping stone towards my goals but now it is time for me to move forward by studying at the University of Connecticut.

I would be very proud to attend the University of Connecticut considering all the opportunities it has to offer. As a student, I would love to research alongside faculty members and graduate with honors. As a part of the Honors program, living in the Honors Residential community would keep me in a competitive space amongst other highly motivated individuals. Living in this environment, I would be able to learn a variety of skills from others, grow as a person and also make lifelong friends.

I want to be challenged by taking difficult courses and be a part of a larger student body. I am particularly keen to attend classes by Professor Thomas Abbott. I have heard about his dedication to Biology and how difficult his courses are. My current college has a small full time student population with most of the students originating from the same locality but I want to be exposed to a diverse student body with peers who have different perspectives and come from all around the world. I feel the best way to receive that exposure is by attending a large, high-ranking university such as the University of Connecticut.

I plan on becoming a neurosurgeon and know that UConn can make it a reality. The university has a very well planned Pre-medicine advisory program and after completing my undergraduate education, I wish to continue being a Husky by enrolling at the UConn School of Medicine.

As a UConn student, I will be majoring in Biomedical Engineering. I am very keen on learning about this relatively new and upcoming field of study. I want to take this as a major because it combines my main interests (math and biology) along with the field of engineering. I appreciate the aspect of challenge when I face difficult questions in math and the formation of theories in my mind when I learn something new in biology. Though, I may not be the first to introduce these "theories", I like the thought process that goes into formulating them. What thrills me even more is the moment of realization when I understand a new concept.

Biomedical Engineering has a broad spectrum of job opportunities. Not only will this major cover the prerequisites required to study at a medical school, but it will also help me excel in medical school as I will be familiar with the concepts and how the medical equipment operate.

I believe that biomedical engineering is a great field of study as it allows us to develop machinery, such as the x-ray, that revolutionize the field of healthcare.

Some people dislike the Storrs campus, saying that it is isolated, but I believe that with the campus being far from the city, I will be able block out any distractions and focus wholeheartedly on my education. For my entire life, I have lived in fast-paced cities having many distractions and believe that this change in environment will be beneficial.

The University of Connecticut is a prominent name in collegiate sports. I have trained extensively in boxing and would love to contribute to the vibrant sports culture by being a part of the UConn boxing team. To me, boxing isn't just about throwing a punch. It's about overcoming fears, being confident, and self-realization. I understood that I can achieve anything I set my mind to. Boxing has shown me that I must undergo trials and tribulations before I truly fulfill my dreams. I now have the confidence in me that drives me to be successful. Boxing has made me the person I am today, and I can see that in my work. I am not one to accept failure easily, and I put earnest efforts into my work. Apart from boxing, I would also like to join the Paintball Club. Paintball is a very team orientated sport requiring good communication, quick thinking and teamwork. I believe I will benefit from these skills as they are much required for a surgeon performing a life or death operation.

The University of Connecticut is the perfect fit for me as it is the perfect blend of academics, research, and sports. UConn is my first choice and I will proudly attend if accepted.

Eshan, the direction of your essay should take on a comparative look as to why you believe that Broward has taken you as far as you can go academically in their setting. In order to convince the reviewer that you will be academically stunted at Broward, hence the immediate need for you to switch universities, you must explain your academic goals in a clearer manner. That includes, an explanation of why you chose to enroll at Broward first.

It would be in your best interest to explain that you are a current honor student at your current university in order to better explain why you would consider living at the Honors Residential Community. The size of the student community is not really considered a compelling factor to move from university to another. I don't suggest mentioning that since it doesn't really have an academic relevance in the essay. While it may have some social context, it doesn't really sound all too important a consideration in the discussion you have set up.

At the end of the essay, you can't really say that UConn is your first choice because you did not establish that early in the essay. I suggest you make a reference to applying to and being rejected, put on the wait list or the short list, or something, which led to you ending up at Broward while you waited for your chance to apply for admission to UConn again. If no such thing happened to you, then it would be best not to say that UConn is your first choice university. There is no data to support that claim on your part.