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'unlike any other university / finance and economics' - NYU supplements


kog 1 / -  
Dec 30, 2011   #1
Please help me check the errors( grammar, structure, words choice).
Thanks very much!!

Why NYU?
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"New York University is unlike any other university in the USA. It's simply the best!!" this concise and simple comment at studentsreview.com actually captured my attention. Finding out about NYU helped me to know the advantages and opportunities that it can bring to me. From that moment, I have believed that NYU is the best place for me.

One of the fascinating points of NYU is the innovative curriculum. I am really interested in the Business, Business & Political Economy Degree Programs of Stern. With courses like "Social Impact Core", "Economics Core" and "Politics Core", Stern will provide me all the knowledge, experience and skills I need to succeed. Especially, in the course "Business & Its Publics", I will be able to meet and hear a broad range of scholars, successful politicians and specialists talking about business.

Another point of NYU that intrigues me is the global studying. I always love to visit the new places and obtain experience. That is why I am very excited about the ISP. This program will allow me to spend one week, one semester or a summer abroad to explore the differences in the economics, cultural and political histories of countries. So, I will be able to broaden my viewpoint of the world.

I know by the reputation of NYU and the world-class falcuty, it certainly is not easy to study any course here. However, with my passion and preparation, I want to surpass this challenge and I will thrive in this climate.

Academics area of interests
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The recession of economies and global financial crisis in 2009 were the desperate experience with all people in the world. However, with me, it was also a lesson about the importance of financial systems. Digging deeply, I learned how these systems can affect the wealthy and security of nations. All of this inspired me to choose finance for my undergraduate education. I always had a wish to contribute to the development the society, my country and the world. Becoming a financial expert will give me a chance to fulfil it.

As many people who has been interested in this area, I liked to read the books, articles and news about it. These helped me to know about the experts, leaders and heros in finance who actually changed our world. The more I wanted to be a person like these great people, the more my passion for finance grown up. And I realized that my ambition and enthusiasm can be nurtured in New York University.

NYU's campus in New York City will give me many opportunities in the way of exploring financial area. In the Stern School of Business, I can not only take the courses of internationally recognized scholars, but also have the chances to meet and communicate with scores of influential leaders and specialists in their fields. Beside the intellectual knowledge, I also wish to obtain real-life experiences and practical lessons in The Wall Streets. With the abundant resources and the advantages of the city, NYU actually is the best environment for me to learn and experience.

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THANKS AGAIN!!
kog
Musicforleisure 3 / 33  
Dec 30, 2011   #2
Hi! a few suggestions here, kog.

As many people who has been interested in this area, I liked to read the books, articles and news about it.

--> Like many people who have been interested in this area ...

The more I wanted to be a person like these great people, the more my passion for finance grown up.

--> The more I wanted to be like these great people, the more passionate I became about this field ...

Overall, it's pretty good, but I think you should add more specific examples. And maybe, you should mention specifically about some books you have read and some works you have accomplished and explain how those experiences have motivated you.

I hope this helps =)

pls take a look at mine if u have time!
thanks
amon2006 4 / 7  
Dec 30, 2011   #3
what does it mean?


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