Essay 1: In an essay of 300 words or less, please describe how your past circumstances and experiences (such as your upbringing, community, and/or activities) impacted who you are, your future goals, and your choice of major. If you haven't decided on a college or major yet, briefly explain your intentions and aspirations for your first year at Illinois.
The first violins soared brilliantly with melody while the second violins and the violas complemented them with their harmony, bringing complexity to the tone. The cellos and basses, with their low notes, provided the underlying structure for the whole piece.
Growing up as the concertmaster for several orchestras, I have enjoyed the opportunity of overseeing the entire orchestra. I view the orchestra as a living organism. Each instrument is essential for the orchestra's vitality. Attentive to detail, I ensured that each orchestral member played their individual part correctly with the consciousness of other parts of the orchestra, maintaining a balance so that the musical composition sounds ideal. I translated this newfound perspective to my passion with cars. As I matured, my childhood infatuation with cars developed into respectable awe on how these mechanical beauties functioned. I am curious how an engine, fuel and the single movement of a foot, can move a two-ton metallic mass. Studying the field of mechanical engineering will allow the opportunity to study deeper into how these vehicles function and apply the education gained to create my own. I aspire to reengineer automobile engines. In today's modern society where environmental awareness is essential, I hope to develop not only a more fuel-efficient engine, but also an energy-efficient engine, surpassing the efficiency of a Stirling engine. I seek to leverage what I have learned through my orchestral ensemble experience - the understanding of the importance of orchestrating multiple parts and creating a harmony to produce a finely tuned result - in my studying mechanical engineering at Illinois.
Essay 2: In an essay of 300 words or less, tell us something about yourself that isn't covered elsewhere in this application, some interest or experience of your that you think the University of Illinois should know about as part of the admissions review.
I could have walked merely two minutes to high school from home, but for four years I have traveled across the country, driving through the worst traffic in the U.S. as reported by a widely cited study. I could have gotten better grades. I could have had a better social life. I could have saved myself from all these troubles. Yet, I chose to transfer to Robinson Secondary for the added challenge in the International Baccalaureate (IB) curriculum instead of studying in the high school located in my neighborhood. I do not regret my choice because what I have gained from the IB Program more than makes up for the easier life I sacrificed. I am not here to promote IB. I am not embodiment of the proof that the IB curriculum is superior to that that of Advanced Placement (actually, no such proof exists). But I can say that I believe I am a different person than I would have been if I did not make the choice that I made. With IB, I can research a topic of own choice and be rewarded by the learning experience. I approach issues, whether they are controversial or not, with a holistic view. I have put aside my naïve self and gained a global perspective. I can develop and articulate my own perspective. My pencil no longer falters in the race to the end of a page. My ideas flow like the water that Moses struck with his staff. I am the quintessence of Robert Frost's The Road Not Taken. "I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference."
Note: I need some last minute input (especially the 2nd one) before I submit them tomorrow evening.
I really love how essay 1 develops. I would advice you to go for it and submit it!
I can see that your English writing skills are excellent so there's no problem with that. However, on Essay 2, I would advice you to get rid of the "I could haves" and instead go for "I have done this and that." Also, if you can, go for a more personal experience or interest. I believe universities would like that more.
Best of luck!
