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University of Rochester Supplement 2 (many different points of view)

mpatel246 3 / 5  
Dec 29, 2008   #1
Rochester students represent many different points of view. Each student constructs an independent study and research plan. Describe what you will contribute to Rochester's diversity of ideas, experiences, and identities. If you can, incorporate a positive past experience where you chose your own learning path, or a negative experience where you wanted to exercise more independence

Coming from an ethnic background, I was usually secluded from society by others. However instead of letting this obstacle weigh me down, it become a motivation to learn about the world around me. Now as a young man I am prepared to thrive as I make meaningful contributions at one of the best learning institutions, University of Rochester. Bringing the Indian culture to the university campus, the experience from working in business management, dedication and devotion for my love of education, the list is of contribution is endless. My professors will be flabbergasted towards my commitment towards my work. My classmates will wait in anticipation as I will lead them to a bright future.

there is 125 word, 1000 character limit

Can anyone check for consistancy, Spelling or grammer error, and if it answers the U of R questions. Thank You.
EF_Sean 6 / 3,491  
Dec 30, 2008   #2
The main problem I can see with this one is that you are very vague. How exactly will you bring Indian culture to the campus? How did your background make you feel secluded? Why did this feeling motivate you to learn more about the world? And so on. You don't need to answer all of these questions necessarily, but you do need to pick a particular aspect of your answer and elaborate on it using specific details and examples.
OP mpatel246 3 / 5  
Dec 30, 2008   #3
Thank you for you input. So what your saying is i need to pick one of my contributions and elaborate.

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