Hey all, I've recently submitted my supplemental essay to the Common App website, but before I finalize the application, I decided to seek out some professional advice and critiques. The Rochester supplement asks: - The University of Rochester offers many rare advantages, building from our "Meliora" ("ever-better") motto that has inspired generations of scholars, professionals, and artists. Describe what's leading you to apply, and what kind of "Meliora" experiences you want to have here at Rochester and beyond.
Below is the submitted form of my Rochester supplement. Are there any grammatical corrections that any of you could suggest? I think I definitely explained what the college could give to me, but what about what I could bring to the college?
Sometimes I wonder why we no longer have any Aristotles or Leonardos in the world among us today. Why're there no masters of nearly every field of academia, polymaths who can, one day, change the way we perceive the world that is beneath our feet, and then the heavens on the next? As I studied throughout my academic career, I developed a fascination with the biological sciences, a passion for European culture and history, and an inclination towards music appreciation. It was then that I noticed every student has a unique set of interests, a unique set of passions, so why should they be directed to choose a conventional, uniform education identical to every other student's in that field? I am applying to the University of Rochester because I want to study exactly what I want, when I want to. The University of Rochester allows students the utmost freedom to sculpt their own unique education around their unique interests and passions through the cluster program.
Many university campuses are eager to accept well-rounded students, but what better school than the University of Rochester to produce well-rounded graduates? The home of the Yellow-Jackets would provide me with the opportunity to shadow medical professionals at the Strong Memorial Hospital, bringing my own research experience to one of the most distinguished institutions in the world, and then walk across campus to the University's world-renowned Eastman School of Music to watch one of my favorite musical performances, a cappela, performed by the Midnight Ramblers.
Any help would be greatly appreciated, Thank You!!
Some minor grammatical errors. Overall, the essay seems to be fine:
Why're there no masters of nearly every field of academia, polymaths who can, one day, change the way we perceive the world that is beneath our feet, and then the heavens on the next? -- Why are there no masters of nearly every field of academia - polymaths - who can not only change the way we perceive the world beneath our feet, but also the heaven above us?
because I want to study exactly what I want, when I want to -- lose the 'to' (never end a sentence with a preposition)
The home of the Yellow-Jackets would provide me with the opportunity to shadow medical professionals at the Strong Memorial Hospital, bringing my own research experience to one of the most distinguished institutions in the world, and then walk across campus to the University's world-renowned Eastman School of Music to watch one of my favorite musical performances, a cappela, performed by the Midnight Ramblers. --- The home of the Yellow-Jackets would provide me with the opportunity to shadow medical professionals at the Strong Memorial Hospital - bringing my own research experience to one of the most distinguished institutions in the world - and walk across campus to the University's world-renowned Eastman School of Music to watch one of my favorite musical performances, a cappela, performed by the Midnight Ramblers.
Let me know if you have any questions.
And please critique my Lafayette essay:)
Really? Only Grammatical? I'm actually pretty happy to hear that you think the actual substance of the essay is good...
Could You rate the quality of my essay, substance-wise, on a scale of 1-10?
I have a question about the hyphens...Are those actually grammatically correct substitutions for commas in those circumstances..?
I'll take a look at your Lafayette supplement too! :)
Thanks
Hey man!
Glad I could help. But if I were you, I'd wait for more opinions on the content matter. I have seen drastically different views in the same thread many a time.
Yeah, I feel they are. I am about 95% sure, but again, do wait for more opinions. Let me give you a 'like', so you can make this thread Featured. That'll attract attention faster:)
