Any comments and suggestions will be greatly appreciated!!! Thank you so much in advance!!!
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Here is the prompt:
Personal interaction with objects, images and spaces can be so powerful as to change the way one thinks about particular issues or topics. For your intended area of study (architecture, art history, design, studio art, visual art studies/art education), describe an experience where instruction in that area or your personal interaction with an object, image or space effected this type of change in your thinking. What did you do to act upon your new thinking and what have you done to prepare yourself for further study in this area?
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When I was eight years old, I had shown no further interest in art than doodling on my notebook borders. One day during my summer break, I saw "The Starry Night" by Vincent van Gough in an art convention. I was dazed and motionless, stunned by the psychedelic masterpiece that sat right in front of my eyes in one of the vendor booths. I dug out all the money I could possibly find in my pockets and backpack, and purchased the duplication of a much smaller version. I would stare at the art piece thumb-tagged on my wall, and I could feel the presence of the swirling sky right above me. I would follow the swirls, lines and colors, and eventually got lost in awe. Not long after, I asked my parents if I could sign up for an art class.
I took a child's art class that taught basic skills for drawing and painting. The skills I learned gave me the abilities to transfer what was on my mind onto a blank piece of paper. I continued to take more classes for different areas of art. With the basic knowledge of composition, I could at least begin to understand the terminology in the art articles and reviews. My artistic journey did not end with just a few art classes. I was accepted to a high-end art school for my middle school. Although I was admitted to the music department, my passion for visual art continued to blossom through helping with designing stage props, costumes, and layouts of our concert programs, pamphlets and yearbooks. After middle school, I immigrated from Taiwan to the U.S., and went to a high school in Houston while I was catching up with the language and other academic classes. I then moved to Austin with my brother, and went to McCallum High School for my senior year. McCallum is known for its top-notch Fine Arts Academy, and it has brought me back to the wonderland of art. I continued to experiment with different art classes; Painting, Jewelry and etc. Even though I did not have the privilege to graduate with Fine Arts Academy because of the short of years spent, it ensured my passion and my full dedication for art. I knew my place, and I want to continue to experiment in order for me to be the best in that place.
Since that day when I first saw "The Starry Night," I have been so blessed and privileged to have the opportunities to get this close to art. I am starting to see what is behind an art piece rather than just the visual elements, and I could see the emotional flows and the roving minds of van Gough when he was painting. I want to experience and learn more, and I believe the University of Texas can provide the integrated knowledge and the right sets of tools. Ultimately, I wish to create something as astonishing as "The Starry Night," should it be a painting, a piece of jewelry, or even a billboard advertisement. Until then, the more I experience and learn, the closer I will be to that goal.
Overall a good essay that answers the prompt clearly.
"and etc" is redundant. Just go with "etc."
"because of the short of years spent," This does not make sense. Revise. If you ended up going to another school, make that clear.
I knew my place, and I wanted to continue to experiment in order for me to be the best in that place.
McCallum is known for its top-notch Fine Arts Academy, and it has brought me back to the wonderland of art. I continued to experiment with different art classes: painting, jewelry and and so forth.
You did an excellent job of respnding to the prompt! Congratulations for being so good at the art of writing in addition to your other artistic strength. I love your essay. Even though the prompt does not call for it, it would be good to include just one or two sentences about how you'll continue to "act upon" your interest with specific programs, facuty members, etc at this school. Perhaps you should do that in the last paragraph.
