This is a pretty rough 1st draft of my Statement of Purpose for transfer application to UT. This is actually my 2nd bachelor's I am working towards. I did complete my first degree, but my grades weren't stellar (underachieving). Any comments and constructive criticism would be greatly appreciated! Thanks in advance to any and all comments.
Topic A (Transfer, Transient, Readmit) Statement of Purpose:
"Man's flight through life is sustained by the power of his knowledge" - Austin "Dusty" Miller.
This was one of the many, many quotes I had to learn as a 4th Class Cadet at the Academy. I have seen the verity of this quote proven time and time again. Correct and thorough knowledge is usually what sets apart the successful from the unsuccessful. Why is attaining a degree so important in today's workforce? Why is it becoming more and more important to achieve a graduate degree? The answer is complex and varied, but a large part of it comes down to knowledge.
The knowledge and practice gained from seeking a degree is just as important as the degree itself. A degree certifies that a person has achieved a certain level of mastery over the basic knowledge and skill sets someone in a particular field must have. I am pursuing a Bachelor's degree in Computer Science with the goal of eventually being accepted into the Integrated BS/MS program. These degrees will give me the foundation upon which I can build a lifelong career in the computer software industry. Software engineer, UI programmer, game developer, technology based problem solving. All of these job start with a solid base of knowledge and then they build from there.
Technology is developing so quickly and doing so many different and varied things that the sky is no longer the limit. It is thrilling to think what advances technology may bring in the next 50 years, and as a computer programmer, I could be a part of developing those technologies.
My primary choice for a major during my first undergraduate degree was Computer Science. I thoroughly enjoyed taking the Intro to Computer Science core class that all cadets had to take. The coursework was basic, but enlightening and very fun. I was one of the few students to volunteer to complete all of the optional assignments, even adding my own ideas and twists to the programs we were instructed to write. I was recruited by the Computer Science department to pursue a major. Instead, I chose to major in Political Science for fear of the legendary course load that Comp Sci majors had to do. Call it naivety, shortsightedness, or even immaturity, but I chose the easy route to graduation. The degree was challenging and interesting, but I have since found myself completely uninterested in any job which would utilize those specific knowledge and skill sets that I have learned.
Being older and hopefully a bit wiser, I am now pursuing my first interest. I have never lost my fascination for computers and technology. In fact, I have often thought about attempting to teach myself programming, just for my own edification. As a manager for Trudy's Restaurant and Bar, I took it upon myself to learn as much about the IT side of the house as I could. I soon became the go-to guy for computer, network, and point of sale issues and problems.
I am dedicated to my educational goals. Gaining admittance to the University of Texas and its Computer Science program is the first step to realizing those goals. Unlike the first time around, I know exactly what I want. I am more mature, a little more wise, and more determined than ever to succeed. No amount of coursework or research can scare or deter me. This is what I am interested in, and this is what I will do with my life.
I had this idea:
The answer is complex and varied, but the central interest is knowledge.
I'll add a comma, but it actually is not necessary... just nice for rhythm:
Being older, and hopefully a bit wiser, I am now pursuing the interest that is closest to my heart.
That is just an idea, not necessarily better.
I like this, and I think the adult admissions professional will appreciate it, too. All adults respect an adult who shares that advanced perspective, retrospection.
You could make it more impressive if you cite recent advancements that excite you, gurus whose work you enjoy, and your specific goals in Comp sci.
Great! Thanks for the input. I will definitely use some of those ideas. As far as content- am I going in a good direction? Are my intentions and motivations coming through in a clear and concise way? Any further input would be greatly appreciated, from Kevin or anyone else.
The answer to that question comes from looking at topic sentences. When people read the essay, they will either understand or not, depending on whether you have good, clear topic sentences to start each paragraph. You do!! Good luck in school.