I would love your help on my grammar and whether or not the essay's interesting enough. I really want this essay to leave an impression, any feedback will be great! :)
If you could have dinner with three people, living or dead or fictional, who would they be and why would you select them?
As a little girl, while other girls played with Barbie dolls, I spent my time reading Hergé's Adventures of Tintin. Tintin was my Ken. His adventures around the world finding lost artifacts and saving world leaders from the clutches of criminal masterminds caught my attention. The exciting storyline let my imagination wander to faraway lands and exotic locales, and grew my desire to be an explorer one day. Tintin always had a calm, determined attitude when facing obstacles, even when the situation seemed impossible. I grew up wanting to be more like him, eager to discover, think outside of the box and work for the greater good. Tintin taught me to take risks and live life bravely.
There isn't a day when I don't listen to the voice of Thomas Mars. The lead singer of the French band Phoenix, he is behind the sublime vocals and the witty lyrics with his clever play on words. I admire his willingness to experiment for his music, like seeking out unusual recording circumstances. I wonder what it was like recording in a houseboat on the Seine River next to the Eiffel Tower. It's pretty rare these days to find bands that aren't subjected to their music labels, and I love how Thomas Mars spontaneously decided to release their new single online for free. His songs act as the relief to a long day of school and work, and cheer to the never ending rainy days in Washington. My dream is to see him perform live one day, and what better way than to stage a private performance in my dining room?
The dinner would not be complete without Mr. Rahmat Soemdipradja. A prominent Indonesian lawyer with his own successful firm and a University of Virginia Law School graduate, he gave me the amazing opportunity to intern for him. I just graduated out of high school at that time, and it was rare for those without a law degree to intern there. I was nervous at my first job interview and a little shy when I said I wanted to become an international lawyer. He encouraged me to express my aspiration with confidence and be assertive in achieving my goals. I shadowed him frequently, as he introduced me to the different aspects of the practice and the various skills required. Mr. Soemadipradja had a strong work ethic and an approachability that was refreshing. My personal growth was a result of his lessons, and I will never forget his advice before I moved to America for college: study more than needed, work harder than required, and meet as many people possible. Mr. Soemadipradja encouraged me to embrace myself and other people, confidence and hard work.
I finally found a mistake! You write very well, so it was hard to find:
I had just graduated out of high school at that time, and it was rare for those without a law degree to intern there.
What this is missing is an intro paragraph. Also, add a conclusion paragraph. For good composition, it might be best to write an intro paragraph that tries to establish a THEME based on this personality type you are, this type of person who would choose these three people. These three people represent the virtues of ______, _______, and __________. Write an intro that names the 3 people and establishes a theme.
Then, add a thoughtful conclusion paragraph that reflects more about the introspection you are doing. Let this become a classif 5 paragraph essay, with each body paragraph covering one of the 3 people.
:-)
