Personal Element Prompt
*I need someone to edit my personal statement! Please Help! Three things they'll be looking for is content (answering prompt), organization, and grammar. Here it is! down below, also ignore the title. Haven't made one yet.*
Challenges. At a very young age I dealt with persecution towards my race, adversity, and the separation of my family. But throughout all of these hardships, I rose out of my suffering, and became a more rounded individual intellectually, socially, and most importantly, personally. I have changed, for the better.
When I was young, I craved the approval of my peers. However, being of full-blooded Vietnamese descent, I was harassed countless times, so I ostracized myself from society. Like a defenseless animal, I could do nothing, but sit back and be tormented. My parents were born and raised in Vietnam, after moving to the United States they were constantly puzzled by the peculiar American culture. They could not grasp the concept of racism or prejudice aim at our family, and neither could I. Having only completed some parts of high school and never attended college, my parents could do nothing but watch.
However, being oppressed and in poverty was the least of my worries. When the two marriages and divorces of my mother occurred, it took a toll on me; I was damaged at a young age. In a Vietnamese cultured, education is valued to the highest degree. We knew that people who received an education had more opportunity in society. However, due to the racism towards my family, poverty, and my mother's divorces, I fell into a spiraling depression. I coped with my misery with drugs such as meth and marijuana during my younger years, and my grades fell behind from elementary school up until the beginning high school. My academics were once so appalling that I was held back a grade.
As I grew older, I realized that being depressed did nothing but harm me that I wanted to break the chain of grief that overshadowed my family. I was tired of being disconsolate with my life; I was going to make a change. When high school rolled around, I took a risk and jumped into uncharted water with both feet in; I joined an advanced acting group called Image Factory. From that moment on, I became an advocate for promoting diversity and equality to all ethnicities throughout high school, while expressing my individuality openly. Though this experience, by interacting with people of different cultures, I became more thoughtful, accepting individuals for who they are and their beliefs. I realized the value of an education and the promising future I could create for myself, and more importantly, my family.
During my years at Centennial high school, my academics rose exponentially. Along the way I found loving friends who accepted me for me. Moreover, I discovered a love and passion in pantomime. In fact, throughout my years in Image Factory I was called, "The Pantomime King!" I competed in Idaho's State and District Drama competition, and every year I placed in finals or semi-finals. I was truly a force to be reckoned with! When I finally graduated from Centennial high school, I had 25 college credits underneath my belt and was noted with "Higher Honors." I was finally happy. Subsequently, I preceded my education further by attending Boise State University as a first generation college student in my family, while upholding two jobs. From this overall experience, I became a more rounded person academically, individually, and culturally. These are some of many attributes I would contribute to the university community as I pursue my career in wildlife and conservation biologist.
Recently, I have been volunteering at Idaho's Humane Society and Petsmart's Adoption Center nurturing and caring for strays, and gaining skills when interacting with different animals. Promoting and helping families choosing their perfect lifelong companion is what I personally love to do. Some ongoing tasks I was assigned was to keep the hygiene of the animals in mint condition, sanitizing and maintaining infections to a minimum, and replacing murky water or nonedible food, maybe even both! These organizations are some of many in which I will participate in order to advance my career as a wildlife and conservation biologist. I will do everything I can to make it a reality, and I know that the University of Washington will help me achieve it. As a biologist entering in this field, I must not only take animals in consideration, but my own community as well.
Social interacting and communal involvement is what I am hoping to contribute at University of Washington. Extracurricular that I am involved in are producing cinematography in the film club, and participating in simplistic dancing and theatrical productions, which I plan to continue in my next establishment. I hope to continue my passion for pantomime. Crafting the sounds of the serene violins, interlocking with the soft harmonies of the guitar as the cello weave its way around the prevailing drumbeats, and a comforting melody is constructed is something always I love to do. I am truly infatuated with pantomimes.
Aside from my extracurricular activities, I plan to volunteer for the Seattle Humane societies, finding homes for strays, and partaking in UW's spring break alternative clubs, as I have done before at my institute. Most importantly, I recently joined the Idaho's Meth project, educating young minds about the dangers of meth. I intended to join the Seattle Meth project at my future community. There are countless of things I shall be involve in during my upcoming years at University of Washington, these are some of many in which I will contribute to the university life.
I plan to enrich my college experience to the fullest extent, as well as creating cherished memories along the way. I hope that I will be able reciprocate my gratitude to my future institution as I pursue a bachelor's, a master's, and a Ph.D. degree in science. Promoting and encouraging diversity, raising the academic bar, and partaking in various extracurricular activities, as well as communal involvement are some of many attributes I will contribute to the establishment. I would be an honored and proud student at the University of Washington - Seattle.
I think the essay has sufficiently addressed the prompt, however there are some grammatical errors you need to look out for. In this sentence for instance:
Some ongoing tasks I was assigned "were" "keeping" the hygiene of the animals in mint condition, sanitizing and maintaining infections to a minimum, and replacing murky water or nonedible food, maybe even both!
When forming a list in the sentence, all the verb elements of the list should be in the same form, in this case, you have put the verbs in infinitive form so that should remain consistent. That is, keeping instead of 'to keep', sanitizing and maintaining, replacing.
Overall, I think the essay is quite effective.
