PLEASE BE CRITICAL :)
OK, if you insist :)
Actually, this is quite good! If I help you, will you help some others with their essays? Please?
I believe there is no such thing as a great "natural leader." (I beg to differ. While I agree there are those who learn to be effective leaders, there are also those who are practically born taking charge. To say there is no such thing as a natural leader begs the question, "why not?" In my opinion, you fail to prove your assertion in this next bit...>
Leadership qualities are nurtured ... I joined my school's Volunteers in Power (VIP) <<perfect
club only to finish my ...
However, the experience and pleasure
inI gained from
participating in and organizing ...
... club has set a platform
where I am able to ...
This year, VIP has closely worked with the Toronto Foundation for Student Success (TFSS)<<perfect
in events such as the TTC missed a spot :) what is TTC??
coin challenge, an event geared toward
snot incorrect, just too many words with S's in a row - use toward here
raising funds to decrease student poverty. This event tested me in terms of
management, time management ...
I was responsible for contacting and informing the TTC, TFSS and school adminspell out the whole word
about dates, required resources and paperwork, advertising
via morning announcements, (...) the 113 students
in the eventwho participated or you could say "113 participating students..."
. VIP raised $1,869.64.
In a short time, I have unexpectingly<<spelling/typo
developed a devotion to VIP.
Excellent! Don't let the red marks scare you, it's the only color I have to work with. :D
Good luck, Gary! I know you'll do well! >Psst Don't forget to help someone else with their essay! It will be much appreciated.