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An unknown place, where I was born. Writing Cornell supplement essay.


Nuverte0452 5 / 24 2  
Jan 1, 2017   #1
Why are you drawn to studying the major you have selected? Please discuss how your interests and related experiences have influenced your choice. Specifically, how will an education from the College of Agriculture and Life Sciences (CALS) and Cornell University help you achieve your academic goals? (Please limit your response to 650 words.)

Returning to Jargalan


I was grown up in an unknown place. There is no information on Wikipedia - except (here is little starting information about the place I was born) At 3683 square kilometers with a population approximately 2000 people, (the born place) is one of the smallest subdivision of (Country). My parents, grandparents, and relatives have been living there for their whole lifetime as a half-nomadic, a lifestyle in which economic activity is based primarily on livestock. Returning to (the born place) to visit my parents, I was taken by my uncle, who lives twenty kilometers away from the sum, to his home.

Dawning was taking on the mountain as we rode on a motorcycle. We were heading to the east on the earth road. Whenever we encountered with small rocks, we bounced like a ball. The smelling of dust, mud, and the marsh made my stomach sick. And when we finally passing over the marsh, the soft rain dampened us. We continued rolling with a crazy speed of an 80km per hour, but the endless steppe seemed too big and too far to cross.

As overwhelming as the steppes, my mind was occupied with the lives of people like my uncle. The structures of nomadism are barely changed from that of the ancient times. A herder owns a horse, sheep, cattle, camels, and goats and travels regularly for foraging grass. Running into diseases of livestock that the nomads have no resistance or into climate change which kills livestock entirely are the most difficult conundrum. Health, education, and information services are still unchanged from what they were like decades ago. In addition, every year I see hundreds of poor parents selling their entire livestock to educate their children in Ulaanbaatar who in return have no job to support his parents and even themselves with their college degree. Wool is only the "gold" because it is used to produce cashmere to be exported. Milk, meat, and other goods are abundance, but their productivity is far below efficiency. Because there is no sustained growth of income for rural people, migration from rural to urban areas has increased dramatically last decade for the desire to obtain access to better social services, particularly health and education, causing the crowd in the city.

Still, we have 60 thousands of livestock wandering on the steppes for four seasons, and approximately 35% of the workforce today is directly dependent on the livestock sector. Despite the abundance of resources and employment, it has been a decade since our government has overlooked its development. "Should we get rid of the rural life?" or "Is there a solution to lead this unique lifestyle to the prosperity?" I want to ask from everyone.

...
One essay at one time please

esof8 - / 2  
Jan 1, 2017   #2
Hello! I'm just fixing a few grammatical errors.
I was grown up grew up in an unknown place.
My parents, grandparents, and relatives ancestors have been living there for their whole lifetime lived there their whole lives as a half-nomadic half-nomads, a lifestyle in which economic activity is based primarily on livestock. Returning to (the born place) to visit my parents, I was taken by my uncle, who lives twenty kilometers away from the sum , (did you mean to say sun?) to his home.
OP Nuverte0452 5 / 24 2  
Jan 1, 2017   #3
up@Nuverte0452

thanks, esof8.
ivyhopeful 1 / 3 1  
Jan 2, 2017   #4
I think you need to discuss the second half of the prompt to relate the essay to Cornell. Try to find classes or organizations you would join at Cornell and discuss how they would help you answer the questions you pose at the end.
Holt - / 7,529 2001  
Jan 2, 2017   #5
Khusel, you have written a very interesting personal statement. It is engaging and introduces you to the reviewer in a somewhat interesting, more confusing than anything else, manner. Needless to say, none of the information that you wrote relates to anything that the prompt requirement asked you to discuss. There is no reference to your chosen major, the reason you chose to enroll at CALS, and more importantly, why you chose to study at Carnegie Mellon. The discussion you present is only related to your background. None of these information relate in any way to the instructions of the prompt. I think that you need to find someone who can translate the prompt requirements into your vernacular so that you can better understand how you should approach the writing of this essay. I cannot translate the essay for you and truth be told, the requirements are pretty straightforward. You just did not accurately understand what was required of your essay. Approach your teacher, that person should be able to help you better understand what you have to do with the prompt.


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