Please give my suggestions on how I can improve my essay. :)
To some, the color cardinal is simply a hue that represents Stanford University. But to me, it is much more than that. It is a symbol that vessels a myriad of hues. These hues are derived from the entire color spectrum, representing the diverse people, ideas, traditions and culture present at the university. These multifarious constituents merge into one upon the entrance to the campus. The hue that most stands out is cardinal because of the palpable and ardent passions of Stanford's students to not only pursue their interests in their career choices but to extensively explore the world of which they are denizens of.
At Stanford, learning is not limited to inside the walls of a classroom or the Meyer library. It is a breathing life form that is an entity as students converse on the verdant landscape of the campus, debate as while biking to their dorm rooms and discourse current controversial issues in Socratic seminars. The atmosphere of the university itself fosters a mutual desire within the student body to unravel the mysteries of life.
There are dozens of other universities where I can study the cognitive and physical biological growth of children, explore the intricacy of mathematics and perhaps research the cognitive abilities of humans. Why Stanford? Because I will expand my strengths and improve my weakness, because that is where "the wind of freedom blows" and most importantly, because like a bird I will be free and unrestrained to be swayed by the winds of my curiosity.
This is where I will be able to quench my desire to explore the past, present and future. This is why I want to be a constituent of the color spectrum that classifies Stanford.
I see you've been helping others with their essays, thank you!
To some, the cardinal color is simply a hue that represents Stanford University.
But To me, it is much more than that.
It is a symbol that holds a myriad of hues.
...in their career choices but to extensively explore the world of which they are denizens.
...inside the walls of a classroom or the Meyer Lib rary.
...converse on the verdant landscape of the campus, debate
as while biking to their...
This is where I will be able to quench my desire to explore the past, present and future.The past, present and future of what? This seems out of place here.
i like the sophisication with which you decribed stanford and the specifics of your examples.
make sure though that your response is not just some elegant brochure spit back at the admissions officers. they know what makes their college great, but what makes it great to YOU?
am i excited for college? why?
what do i want to gain out of college?
what can i contribute to stanford?
how is Stanford different from all the others?
these sorts of questions really helped me when i wrote this essay. stanford wants to be bragged to about how awesome they are but they also want to know how stanford will conform to you as well
this is definately the most difficult out of the three essay prompts and good luck to you with the admission process
Thank you Susan for the revision. I appreciate it :)
Anna, I list those things and then at the end I state that it is for those reasons that I want to go to Stanford. Does it sound bad?
be more specific when you say "improve my weaknesses and expand my strengths". you want to stay away from generalizations about your personality like that
it may seem to you like all the qualities you listed are unique to you but you really have to emphasis why you like those specific qualities for your essay to stand out to the admissions officers