What is something about yourself that is essential to understanding you?
I know that the essay for college application has to be positive. And it may not be ok to talk about some downsides of my family. Nevertheless, what I wrote in this essay is basically true and I do think it has shaped who I am.
Please share your thoughts about this topic and any other comments that you may have. Thank you very much.
(I feel it's not very flow at the end of the essay but I have no idea how to improve. Also I am over the word limit. Any advice to shorten it?)
I have understood the meaning of "self" at a very young age and learned that you just cannot expect every parent to be a "full-care" mom or dad. I happen to grow up in one of those unusual families, in which my parents seldom showed care to me beyond my academic performances. Though still fulfilling my basic requirements, they seemed to more focus on their own lives. When I was 6, every time we went out, my parents were always around 7 feet away from me, holding each other's hands in front and I had to trot to catch up with them. Whenever I slipped and cried, they never helped me and I always ended up standing again by myself. As far as I can remember, they never asked me " How's your day?" but only regularly checked "How's your study?" After I went to school and met other kids, I gradually found this patter of interaction to be so different. Striving to change yet failed, I lived with it. In fact, over the years, I have come to appreciate "indifference" my parents have on me. Not only am I much more independent than my peers, but I grew to care very much about people around me, as I know and understand so deeply what it feels like to be isolated, to be unconcerned and how much valued to be cared and helped. There's a foreign girl in my junior school, who was quickly left alone by the class because of her poor accent and not-so-fashioned dressing. I felt extremely uncomfortable and brought some snacks for her and helped her to get rid of jeerers the next day, at the risk of also being isolated. She's now become a very bright girl. That always care and understand others is my creed these years. What I have been endowed with shall always be part of who I am and who I will be in the future.
Hello Jessica,
A touchy story! Thank you for sharing.
My understanding those are the main points of your essay:
-Your parents didn't care much about you when you were a kid.
-You think that "not having caring parents" helped you become more independent and care about people around you; therefore you appreciated their being ignorance.
So can we say "parents should ignore their children so that they become more independent when they grow up"? Or "if your parents could care about you as you wished, do you think you wouldn't be that much independent? So the idea of appreciating "ignorance" thinking that "being more independent as a result of ignorance" is quite arguable to me.
You mentioned that you brought some snacks to the foreign girl in your class because you felt sorry for her, then she became a bright student. If you have helped her in some other ways such as "to help her with her English" or "to be friend with her", or "to study together", you might want to mention that as well.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,797 
4780 Jessica, I know that the way that you told the story is quite negative. I know it is the truth and yet, I would prefer that you somehow placed a positive spin on this story so that the reviewer will not see an unwanted child but rather, a child who was raised to be strong, have self-confidence, and the ability to look out for herself just because your parents felt it would make you a better person. I would spin this essay in the following manner:
As a child of 6 growing up in a career centered family, my parents did not feel it necessary to treat me with kid gloves. They did not have the time to raise a child in the same spoiled manner as my peers. Don't get me wrong, my parents loved me in the best way that they knew how, they just had a different mindset about what abilities a child had. In their opinion, a child is just as good as an adult if given the room to grow that way.
That is why every time we went out, I always struggled to keep up with their walking pace. Time was precious to them and walking fast was a way of accomplishing things faster. This is a trait that I picked up from them and has helped me pursue more things in life because I have more time to do things in a day. Each time I hurt myself, provided I was not bleeding or in need of emergency room care, I would be told to shake it off and get on with whatever I was doing. My parents words each time I would fall while learning a sport or a new activity was, "You are not bleeding. There are no broken bones. You are not dying. Why are you crying?" showed me that in life, provided we are not being held back by actual physical injuries, nothing should prevent me from accomplishing anything that I have set my mind to.
I grew up with seemingly indifferent parents. Other kids would take the way they were raised against their parents because they were not cuddled and pampered. I am thankful to my parents for not treating me that way. I grew up self reliant and able to pursue my dreams and ambitions. All because my parents trained me to be the best of who I can be, by allowing me to fail, then have to pick myself up. Just like they have to do in their daily lives. That is what most people have to understand about me. When I tell my stories, they see an unwanted child. I see, a child who grew up to be the best she can be because her parents knew she could do it.
This is an example of how you can take a negative and present it as a positive. Always analyze the situation before you write about it. Try to find the good in the bad and the light in the dark. That is what I did here. Use it as an example of your next version or use this version if you wish. I look forward to your next step with regards to this prompt.
