Essay for preferred admission into the Ross School of Business. Looking for critiques or advice. Word limit (approximately 500 words). Mine is at 640 right now.
Thanks
Assume you would like to start an organization or project in your community right now to accomplish a particular goal.
1) Describe your organization or project, briefly identify why it is important to you, and explain the steps you would take to start it.
2) How, specifically, might your education at UM and the Ross School of Business affect your approach to the same project if you were to start it after you graduated from college?
Giving Back
I credit my cultural identity to the Ukrainian-American community in Chicago. As a child I was given guidance and education through weekly lessons at the "Ukrainian Heritage School." Being raised in a middle-class family, I took education for grant it, never realizing the struggles that children in rural Ukraine face. The restricted social development in rural parts of Ukraine has caused many children to be pulled from school. The Ukrainian government has attempted to solve the problem, but due to insufficient funds "construction of over 349 schools, 61 infant schools, 111 health care institutions, and 151 culture institutions has not been finished in rural areas." Being a developing country, the education of Ukraine's youth is crucial to its economic success. My goal is to make education more accessible and effective within rural Ukrainian villages.
To accomplish my goals, I would create the "USSF" (Ukrainian Student Support Foundation). The USSF would be a nonprofit organization that relies on tax deductable donations. By showing Ukrainian-American students the poor conditions of rural schools, I hope to create a link between students in America and students in Ukraine. After donating to the foundation, patrons will be given a picture and profile of the student(s) that they are supporting. Each donation will go towards finishing the rural schools and supplying them with necessary materials (e.g. pens, pencils, and paper). To become a "gold level" sponsor one must make a donation of two hundred dollars: just enough money to buy one "Asus eee pc" netbook. By giving the students laptops, I hope to give Ukrainian students incentive to continue learning. A laptop could act as a library of information, providing useful resources to both students and teachers. An added benefit would be the opportunity for Ukrainian students in America to chat with rural Ukrainian students. This mutual relationship will benefit both parties by enhancing Ukraine's schools and allowing Ukrainian-American students to practice their speaking skills.
I would start by visiting the various Ukrainian schools within Chicago. There I would show a multimedia presentation to captivate the young audience and create a demand for participation. From there the children would act as marketers, persuading their parents to help the foundation. After allowing the news to spread throughout the community, I would create a formal charity ball. At the event I will give a short presentation of how easy it is to help rural Ukrainian students get a better education. The supporters can sign up by creating an online account and choosing a payment plan. Each patron's name will be inscribed on a plaque to commemorate his or her generosity. The USSF provides privileged Ukrainian-Americans with a unique opportunity to support future sons and daughters of Ukraine.
This goal involves a great deal of hard work to accomplish. Without the proper skills and knowledge, a project like this could quickly fail. An education from the Ross School of Business would supply me with ideal tools to take on such a large goal. There are a number of ways that my goal could become a financial disaster or even illegal. By studying at the Ross School of Business I would learn how to manage the funds that come from donations and set up a nonprofit account. After college, I would approach the goal with knowledge of the subject and much more confidence. Using business tactics, I would set up a team of workers to divide the workload and foster efficiency. With knowledge from the University of Michigan, I could expand my foundation to include students across America working to help underprivileged students in multiple nations (Underprivileged Student Support Foundation). When looking for advice or another opinion, I will be able to reach out to thousands of experienced alumni who are willing to help out a fellow "Wolverine." The Ross School of Business: A foundation for my future.
Bump....
Looking for corrections and critiques.
Do I present a businesslike proposal?
is anyone willing to read this??
any grammar problems?
Hey now, you only posted it yesterday... sometimes it takes a few days to get some feedback. The thing to do is go help some other people (click "Unanswered") and link them to your essay so they can give you their ideas.
Active voice here:
Being raised Growing up in a middle-class family, I took education for granted , never realizing the struggles that children in rural Ukraine face.
Now... I think an area that could be improved is the section on how this school will help you achieve your goal:
There are a number of ways that my goal could become a financial disaster or even illegal. ---> You have a great way with words!
By studying at the Ross School of Business I would learn how to manage the funds that come from donations and set up a nonprofit account. ------->You can learn that at any school.
After college, I would approach the goal with knowledge of the subject and much more confidence. -----this does not really say anything specific
Using business tactics, I would set up a team of workers to divide the workload and foster efficiency. With knowledge from the University of Michigan, I could expand my foundation to include students across America working to help underprivileged students in multiple nations (Underprivileged Student Support Foundation). ----> Even at this point, I am still thinking you need to name the names of some professors, discuss specific resources at the school, etc.
I hope that helps you! Go help some other people, too!
Thanks for that tip... sorry for being antsy
Now that I know I'll be a little more patient
:-)
Yep, if people help 2 others for every essay they post, this place will be bubbling over with collaboration.
Starting an Electronic Business: Statement of the Problem, Hypothesis and Assumptions
I have this research paper but I don't have an idea how to start the parts on Statement of the Problem, Hypothesis and Assumptions.
Can someone explain me how to create them(I just need an idea)? Topic is all about Starting an Electronic Business.
You can begin by an experience of yours or give parts about history where assumptions were proven wrong, there are lot of them.
Good luck
