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Upenn essay: which academic and social community are of interest to u(help)

ginny2345 12 / 22  
Dec 31, 2009   #1
Prompt: Which of the academic and social community that now comprise the university of pennsylvania are most interesting to you and how will you contribute to them and to the larger penn community.

As I watched my daughter filling the application for the University of Pennsylvania, My heart swelled with pride. Two months ago, my daughter had asked me, "Why did you apply to the University of Pennsylvania". Taken aback by the question, my mind drifted to my past days at the University of Pennsylvania.

Being born and raised in the most populous country in Africa, I grew up amidst poverty and squalor. I was inspired by my father who as a doctor dedicated his life to helping the Nigerian people. My first dream as a child and then as a teenager had been inspired by my determination to make my country and its people better. This dream had given me a definite and straight forward outlook on life and plays a major part of who I am and what I represent as a person.

As an international student, it is of utmost importance to me to attend a school that caters to my interest, structured itself around people like me and would help nurture my talents.

The University of Pennsylvania provides all these. My dream of helping the people of Nigeria drew me to the University of Pennsylvania. The civic house catches my interest immensely because I believe that it can help me save my country. I hope to share ample ideas and obtain useful ideas from the members of this wonderful organization. Their success in helping the people of the world by founding voluntary organizations that deal with world health issues has greatly inspired me. This organization promises better educate me on the best ways to help my country.

I bring with me a different culture and different values. Coming from a country which is known for its diverse ethnic groups, cultures and traditions enables me to add a touch of difference and to share various interesting cultural practices with the diverse cultural community of Upenn and to also learn about other cultures and values in return. The idea of being able to achieve this made me all the more certain that Upenn is a step in the right direction.

With the college's unique academic programs and diverse selection of scholars, I intend to achieve my dreams to the fullest. With a college like the University of Pennsylvania, I am guaranteed the ample opportunity to make a difference in the lives of others and an education that will empower me not only to succeed in my personal and professional life but also to make a positive impact on my country and the world in general.

Just then, I heard my name being called from a distance and I realized that my daughter was staring at me worriedly. "Are you alright mum?" she asked. "Yes" I answered. "You haven't answered my questions" she said. Looking her straight in the eye, I replied "The University of Pennsylvania helped me to achieve my dreams."
stars11 1 / 13  
Dec 31, 2009   #2
I think that you should talk about yourself now. Like don't put it in future tense as you are talking to your daughter. Because they want to focus on you as a person now, and what interests you hold currently.

Good luck!
stars11 1 / 13  
Jan 1, 2010   #3
No problem. It's just my opinion b/c I know many ppl are taking that route (where they talk about themselves rn), so I don't want yours to be completely different (but not in a positive way). Honestly though, it would be a great essay otherwise!

Good luck, and can you look at some of mine?
hk3741 - / 3  
Jan 1, 2010   #4
i actually think what you have now is great. even though you're speaking from a future point of view, you're still discussing your current aspirations. the only suggestion i would make is to stay in one tense. you start out in the past tense as if you're in the future, but then you move to the present tense, and then back to past. i think if you can somehow change it and move it all to one tense, it could really work.

hope that helped! if you have time, PLEASE take a look at my essay as well!
good luck!

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