Hi.Could anyone review my supplement for UPENN and tell me if the second essay is too outlandish?Thank you very much.
3. Benjamin Franklin established the Union Fire Company, the Library Company of Philadelphia, the American Philosophical Society, Pennsylvania Hospital, and, of course, the charity school that evolved into the University of Pennsylvania. As they served the larger community of Philadelphia, each institution in turn formed its own community.
Which of the academic communities and social communities that now comprise the University of Pennsylvania are most interesting to you and how will you contribute to them and to the larger Penn community?
Jack of all trades is a master of none". This idiom is mostly used in an unflattering way. However I think that a life centered on only one discipline is boring and ultimately void of any sense. That's why I interest as much as possible to all the different fields I can possibly encounter. That said, I do have preferences for certain fields and complementarily for certain organizations.
The first organization I would register for in UPENN is the American Medical Student Association, AMSA. AMSA would provide the formation I need if ever I want to enter medical school. But besides my interest in medicine I love to do social work while at the same time deepening my knowledge in scientific fields. As an AMSA member I will have that opportunity with the shadowing possibilities, community work and research work. Moreover I would like to share my points of views and experience in medical fields with people sharing interests with me.
As far as I can remember political talks have always been the prime subject in my house. I have therefore grown to understand how much politics can influence the everyday lives of common people. Although I am not interested in being a politician, I cannot help myself from trying to be aware of all the happenings on the political scene. I must admit quite grudgingly, because I find politics a distasteful science, that I am riled but also invariantly attracted to the political dance of the world's leaders, their scheming minds and their deceptive nature. I love to analyze the situations arising from diplomatic disagreements and how each player on the global scene plays to try and turn each situation to his country's advantage, while making the most of it for his political career. Therefore it is unsurprising that I would get involved in UPENN's International Affairs Association. It would be the right place for me to continue to explore the complexity of international politics while keeping while keeping a safe distance from it. I think that my extensive knowledge of Mauritian politics would help me to integrate this society and at the same time bring diversity in thought on the matter of international politics.
When I will officially take leave of high school life in February of 2010 there is one particular activity that I am going to miss. That is representing my school at the national level in quizzes. Those moments were always very special for me because I was doing something that I loved; meeting friends from other schools, talking on general knowledge topics while at the same time taking some very good time in school uniform. But more importantly, perhaps, was that those quizzes was an opportunity for me to contribute to building a name for my high school and it that sense give back a little of what I had taken from it during seven years. If ever I had the possibility I would like to pursue that activity in university and enroll in UPENN's Academic Demolition Team. It would be a great opportunity to contribute to making UPENN's name even more famous and as a person who finds few things as gratifying as working for one's community, it would be a great activity.
I think that all the academic communities and social communities that compromise the University of Pennsylvania are equally important to create a dynamic and diverse, not only in terms of race but also in terms of aptitudes and interests, society Benjamin Franklin clearly understood that, and that's why he not only the Union Fire Company, but also the hospital to treat the courageous fireman and the library to educate them. I would love to contribute to as much societies as him, however in my present capacity I can only contribute to so many societies. I will content myself with that until the day I can do more, luckily after having made a four year spell at your university.
OPTIONAL (Truly)
4. You have just completed your 300-page autobiography. Please submit page 217.
DATE: July 20 2029
The creation of life is always a joyous event; one of the few miracles undisputed by both scientists and religious. We had all been waiting for this moment for a long time, particularly me, as I was the obstetrician responsible for the delivery. So I felt both relieved and apprehensive when I was convoked by a first officer.
I came out of my living quarters. The sight of iron oxide covering literally all surfaces was always surprising. As I walked towards the operating block I could not help stray thoughts from entering my mind; millions would be following this event on earth. I wondered if Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin would be amongst those. Exactly 60 years after they set foot on the moon mankind was going to make its second giant leap in the exploration of space... the first human birth outside earth. Humanity was on the verge of writing its most important chapter to date.
Quite fittingly it would be the work of a newborn: a human in the purest form possible, an almost perfect being in all aspects and one who deserved the respect of each and everyone. She was going to usher humanity into a new era; one in which it would be able to aspire a bit more realistically to the title of 'type one civilization'.
The implications of such an event went well beyond the usual historical and scientific milestones. Since the child would be born outside earth, she had no pre-designated nationality. The program was financed by the international committee, and therefore she had a right to any passport including a Martian one. Could she possibly be the first of a lineage of humans which would bring all countries under a single banner? I could only hope so. What were her parents going to name her; Ripley or Leia?
A mild wind started to blow, threatening to set off a dust storm. So I quickened my pace as much as those bulky suites allowed me to. I approached the operation block, one of the few buildings deemed important enough to be built. It had the shape of the dome and was covered with white ceramic, reddened by the Martian soil, and lined with lead to absorb radiation.
Time for me to put those stray thoughts away and remember the lessons from my UPENN days
AMSA would provide the formation I need if ever I want to enter medical school.----> I think it is better to write with certainty; do not write "if," but instead write "when." his is how you show your resolve.
When I will officially take leave of high school life in February of 2010, there is I am going to particularly miss one familiar activity.
NO!! The second essay is not too outlandish. It is great. It is just outlandish enough! :-)
So I quickened my pace as much as those bulky suites would allow.
These are great essays. I agree with everything said above.
However, I think the conclusion on your first essay could be a bit stronger. Leave the reader a gift that they will remember! Right now it reads a bit drab, but after everything you said in your intro about variety in education you have ample ground to tie it in for a fantastic closing sentence.
Additionally, I think the third paragraph of your autobiography is a bit nebulous. If you can strengthen the meaning of that essay, you will be in perfect shape.
Good luck and keep up the good work!
