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Upenn Essays - the courses of study that most interest me


chickpig 9 / 26  
Dec 19, 2008   #1
Please help me proof read my essays. Your help is very much appreciated. Thanks!

Short Answer

Penn offers its undergraduates an eminent faculty and a wealth of research opportunities. Use the space below to name a Penn professor with whom you would like to study or conduct research and explain why. (It is not our expectation that you contact faculty directly to answer this question.)


I would like to study with Professor Fernandez-Villaverde, Jesus. Having studied both population geography and economics, I am interested in delving deeper into the relationship between economics growth and population dynamics. I am particularly interested in finding out more about his evaluation with regards to Malthus' population-resource theory. By equipping myself with such knowledge, I hope to be able to apply them in reality in terms of shaping sustainable economic and population policies for the benefit of our generation and beyond.

(545 out of 1000 allowed characters)

Essay

Describe the courses of study and the unique characteristics of the University of Pennsylvania that most interest you. Why do these interests make you a good match for Penn? (do not exceed 1 page)


I am most interested in pursuing an economics degree in Penn. The study of economics arouses my interest because to me life revolves around economics. Everyday, we see economics and make use of economics, whether in making choices bearing in mind opportunity costs or in the purchase of goods and services involving demand and supply. Economics is a beautiful subject which forms the foundation of how we work, live and play. Penn is an ideal institution because of its strong award-winning economics faculty. I believe that Penn's economics faculty would provide me with possibly the most enriching learning experience given its strengths and I would seize all opportunities to actively learn in its conducive environment.

Penn's strong tradition and focus on enterprise, innovation and leadership strikes me as well. These qualities are ones that I aspire to acquire. Having been in several leadership positions in my high school days, I believe that my experience would add value and diversity to student leadership in Penn. I believe that enterprise and innovation is crucial in this rapidly changing global world. Enterprise entails flexibility in adapting to changing conditions while innovation seeks to reinvent and bring about improvements to technology and processes in the world. These are traits which I seek to embrace.

Penn's commitment to community serving resonates with my passion to community service. To me, community service broadens one's perspectives, allows one to reach out of his or her comfort zone to understanding others better and in turn bring happiness to others through one's actions. With my keen interest and experience in community service from Scouts and Rotary's Interact Club, I am confident that I will be able to contribute meaningfully to Penn and society.

Penn offers me true academic freedom, allowing me to reach my intellectual potential without sacrificing my personal interests. While I am most interested in economics, I intend to explore other academic areas as I am interested in a broad-based learning. I am also interested in the all-round development that Penn offers. I believe that one should not just focus on intellectual attainment, but should also focus on building character and honing life skills. This belief has been driving me for the past 6 years in the Raffles Programme, evident in my active participation and devotion to extra-curricular activities. Thus, Penn's education would be apt for me.

Penn's huge range of student organisations serves as a major attraction to me as well. With my great interest in participating actively in extra curricular activities and the buffet of exciting activities Penn offers, I foresee myself getting very involved in Penn. I intend to participate in organisations such as Alternate Spring Break, Class Board, Club Singapore, Penn Social Entrepreneurship Mentoring Programme, Penn Ping Pong and Penn Singing. These choices tie in with my strong interest in servant leadership and my milder interests in table tennis and singing. With my wealth of experience in servant leadership, I hope to contribute to Penn by taking some of these organisations to unprecedented levels of achievement.

Penn interests me in that it runs a singular campus concept whereby all faculties and schools are within walking distance. This enhances interaction between students of different faculties, fostering a closely-knitted community within Penn. In such a warm environment, it makes one feel at home when studying at Penn.

Finally, I believe that I would be able to contribute to Penn's diverse student body not only with the abovementioned, but also through being an international student. As a Singaporean, I would be able to share my views from a different perspective and probably add a creative spark to discussions. As Penn emphasises much on having a diverse student body, it would be ideal for people of different races and cultures to come together as one and strive towards a common goal. I hope to be able to instil even more vibrancy and dynamism into the already diverse Penn community.

(4115 out of 7900 allowed characters)

EF_Sean 6 / 3,491  
Dec 19, 2008   #2
Your short essay is good. One question though -- in the sentence "I hope to be able to apply them . . ." What does the word "them" refer to, exactly?

The long essay is well-written, grammatically speaking. Stylistically, its a bit dull. This mostly seems due to wordiness. Some examples: "These qualities are ones that I aspire to acquire." could be rewritten as "I aspire to acquire these qualities." Likewise, "Having been in several leadership positions in my high school days, I believe that my experience would add value and diversity to student leadership in Penn" could be altered to "My high school leadership experiences have prepared me to take a strong leadership role at Penn." You might want to go through the entire draft and revise with a view to making everything much more concise.
OP chickpig 9 / 26  
Dec 19, 2008   #3
Sure I will take note of it.
mcwingo29 2 / 11  
Dec 19, 2008   #4
I would work on "interest catchers" to begin your essays with. Both of your first sentences could be written by any other student applying, give them a reason to keep reading your essay.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,335 129  
Dec 20, 2008   #5
Penn's strong tradition and focus on enterprise, innovation and leadership strike me as well.

As Penn emphasizes the importance of having a diverse student body, it would be ideal for people of different races and cultures to come together as one and strive towards a common goal.

Great job! For that first essay, you still have lots of characters left. How abou a few sentences about what you will do with your knowledge of economics growth and population dynamics, Malthus' population-resource theory... what will you do after college? What drives you onward toward the achievement of your goals.
OP chickpig 9 / 26  
Dec 27, 2008   #6
Hmm mcwingo20, I'm not too sure how to fit in 'interesting catchers' for an essay prompt like this because the prompt is very 'standard'. Do you have idea?


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