any advice is greatly appreciated :)
The Admissions Committee would like to learn why you are a good fit for your undergraduate school choice (College of Arts and Sciences, School of Nursing, The Wharton School, or Penn Engineering). Please tell us about specific academic, service, and/or research opportunities at the University of Pennsylvania that resonate with your background, interests, and goals. (400-650 words)
Just the other day, my mother recounted an instance of when she had bought an, at the time, new computer in 1999. Just as she had finished the setup of the hardware, she stepped out of the room for a few minutes. In the short period of her absence, I had managed to make my way to the computer and turn it on, making it as far as the welcome screen (then again, I was just a mere two years old at the time). I like to acknowledge that event as my first real encounter with a computer, the instance of which my fascination with technology was summoned. Since then, I had developed an infatuation with computers, especially in preschool with all of the alphabet software, the learning-to-type games, the phonics and the elementary math CD's; oh, the good ol' days.
I have held my strong interest in computers for as far back as I can remember, and from then, I have continued to pursue all things computer science. In middle school, I took computer software classes to become computer-savvy. Through my high school years, I was introduced to computer science via my computer programming classes. Encouraged by my hopeful teacher and the lack of females and colored people in the class, I advanced to the point where I had completed all of the programming classes my high school had to offer. I viewed the lack of diversity as a challenge, one that I gladly accepted.
In addition to my passion of computer science, I have also recently developed a passion for psychology. I had enrolled in an AP Psychology course in my junior year of high school and fell in love with the subject. Although it was an acquired taste, I found myself enjoying psychology so much, that I wanted to immediately complete my psychology homework, even before the homework of my other classes. I would analyze my little siblings: taking precise note of every slight reaction they instinctually acted upon. I was my own private investigator: every stutter, hesitation, critical glance and judgmental stare proved crucial to the verdict and continues to send adrenaline rushing through my veins! I needed to know more! This drove me to further my education in psychology by enrolling in an abnormal psychology course offered at the local community college: Montgomery College, Germantown Campus, after my junior year of high school.
An Ivy League education is something only an intellectual few earn the opportunity to experience, something a majority of students can only dream about. However, University of Pennsylvania stands alone from all the other Ivy institutions by priding itself on being a research university, meaning along with its world-class professors and encouraged research programs, the university is fully capable of providing me with an opportunity of which no other school would be able to offer. Attending UPenn would present its academic challenges, those of which I am eager to rise up to exceed, but most importantly, attending UPenn would grant me more insight into my academic passions than any other institution can offer
With my passions and intentions to fulfill them, being contained in an ordinary institution for four years describes a jail sentence. By attending an encouraging institution, as well as my self-motivation and passion in two very different subjects, my years at University of Pennsylvania would be anything but ordinary. Taking advantage of UPenn's research programs and its interdisciplinary education systems, the University of Pennsylvania's School of Engineering and Applied Science and the School of Arts and Sciences would be a perfect place to pursue my passions, especially with the Computer and Cognitive Science Program, intertwining both of my academic passions.
Are you enrolling in a double major? I just realized that you have discussed two highly different academic interests which belong to two different college departments. I suggest that you choose the major that you are truly inclined to pursue and then discuss the relevant experience that you have in relation to it. You must also find a way to relate the UPenn programs to the interest that you are discussing by making specific mention of the program you are going to participate in at the university and how your background and the program relate to one another. The idea of this essay is to prove that you are academically and socially prepared for the demands of a UPenn education through the seamless connection of who you are at present to who you will become with the help of the UPenn academic and social community.
how would you suggest i do so?
Simply put, you have to decide whether you want to discuss your inclination towards computers and how your various activities have prepared you for admission to the computer department of UPenn or if you want to major in Psychology. If you choose the latter, then discuss the academic and extra-curricular activities that you have participated in that have a direct relation and relevance to Psychological studies. Ask yourself where you see yourself performing better academically or which of the two possible majors you have more academic and extra - curricular activities to present in support of your choice. Make sure that you have also looked into the possible classes or internship programs that UPenn offers in addition to the academic studies which will serve as the supporting arm of your education.
the program i am most interested in that UPenn offers is its Computer and Cognitive Science program which incorporates both computer science and psychology.
How could i make the essay work with both of these?
Thank you for all of your advice, by the way
As a child of the computer generation, it should be easy for you to make the connection between cognitive psychology. and computers. Remember that cognitive psychology asks one to consider the human brain the same way he would regard a computer, as a form of data or information processing. Try to find any academic or extra curricular activities that you have had which shine a light upon your understanding of the human mind as an information processing device in a similar fashion to the computer. Consider that the human brain, which is the basis of the computer, produces final results in the same way that the computer produces output, so you inclination for both must stem from the often made comparisons between the human brain and the computer, thus allowing medical science to use computers to study the human brain to a great extent.
My suggestion for the revision is that you delete the earlier parts about your mother buying her first computer and your first experience with the PC. Concentrating instead on the development of your understanding between the relationship of the human brain and the computer. Explain when you first realized the connection and how you are currently pursuing the related interests. After that, discuss how the program offerings at UPenn will help you further understand and build upon your cognitive psychology foundation in the future. Mentioning specific programs and research that you look forward to participating in or giving the admissions officer a sneak peek into a possible research project that you feel you can accomplish during your time as a student at UPenn.
should i do so similarly as to how i did in my JHU essay?
Not exactly. Your JHU essay is still a work in progress at the moment. While you are on track towards properly answering your JHU essay prompt, you are nowhere near using it as a template for your UPenn prompt. My advice is to try and develop a fresh response to the essay prompt rather than trying to make one essay work for both prompts. Maybe you can combine the two essay responses to create a new answer to the prompt. You would still do best to offer it up for review here before you decide to use it with your common app papers though. Why not try to revise the essay in a original manner first? When all else fails, the combination of two essays into one just may be your ticket to the best possible prompt response that you can develop.
my deadline for JHU and UPenn is in less than 24 hours and i just recently found this website.
I had originally thought my essays were more than decent, so thank you for the feedback
Feedback:
Very interesting narrative regarding your interests in the first part, although you may have to shorten it to allow more room for discussions about Penn's programs.
"An Ivy League education is something only an intellectual few earn the opportunity to experience, something a majority of students can only dream about." I think you shouldn't include this as it is superfluous. Just jump straight in talking about Penn's programs.
You're wasting too many words just vaguely talking about UPenn. I think what the prompt expects of you (and what the focus of your essay should be) is to list down the SPECIFIC academic programs you're interested in and explain how you will make use of it with respect to your experience and interest. You mentioned one program in the last paragraph; it would be good if you could further elaborate on it.
