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UPenn Essay - An Extraordinary Symbiotic Relationship


bongish 1 / 1  
Dec 31, 2009   #1
QUESTION: Which of the academic communities and social communities that now comprise the University of Pennsylvania is most interesting to you and how will you contribute to them and to the larger Penn community?

I must admit: as I uncover new facts about the University of Pennsylvania, my heart becomes heavier and heavier. The more I discover about UPenn's commitment to education and community involvement, the more I fall in love with it and the harder it would be for me to find myself anywhere else. Also, like a young woman in love, I find myself lurking on UPenn's website, imagining the scenarios I would find myself in, and hoping that one day I will have the opportunity to live them out.

"Hey Rhea! How did you do on Brooke's final?" asked Daniel, a fellow member of the BBB Society and the American Medical Student Association. "Pretty good, I hope!" I replied with a smile. "But don't you find it ironic that by reviewing everything we've learned about sleep, like why we need it and the psychological and medical issues it can cause, that we are actually depriving ourselves of that very thing?" Daniel laughed good-naturedly. "I never quite thought of it that way," he said as we crossed the street to Children's Hospital, where we volunteered ourselves for the afternoon. As we made our way into the building, past the security guard and scanners, and up the cascade of staircases, I spotted Dr. Spiegel, the Pediatric Orthopaedic Surgeon I shadowed last month and the man who performed spinal fusion surgery on me several years ago. After telling Daniel I would meet up with him later to discuss the Brain Lab which was due in a couple of weeks, I caught up with Dr. Spiegel. "Oh hello, Rhea!" Dr. Spiegel said, noticing my presence. "Where are you headed? The inpatient care unit again?" I nodded, "It's amazing how the patients are progressing each day. I love reading to them, interacting with them, and assisting them with whatever they need." Dr. Spiegel grinned, "Story of my life."

A sudden and rather sharp poke brought me back to my senses. "RHEA! Hello! Are you there?" asked Kayla, knocking on my head a couple times. "Of course!" I insisted, unsuccessfully trying to dodge her iron knuckles. "Good," she replied as she quickly shoved a handful of my homemade karioka in her mouth and led me to the stage where the other dancers were anxiously getting ready. We were the last cultural dance performance of the night, and so far everything has gone perfect for the Penn Philippine Association's annual Barrio Fiesta. The traditional dishes were delicious as well as abundant, the stories we exchanged about the Philippines and our experiences in America were entertaining and uplifting, and the bond between us Filipino-Americans and our homeland was strengthened. It was now up to us on the stage to continue on this path of excellence. While taking my place at the end of the two bamboo poles, I hoped that our rendition of tinikling, the national dance of the Philippines, would end the night with a well-deserved bang.

Before my schooling even began, my parents have instilled in me the importance of having an education. Nevertheless, they left it up to me to discover that education goes far and beyond what I learn in the classroom. At the University of Pennsylvania, I will not only become more knowledgeable about every area of neuroscience, but I will also become part of a bigger and more vibrant community. I picture myself in countless scenarios that challenge me, excite me, and inspire me. The University of Pennsylvania is the place where I can be myself, I can improve myself, I can cultivate my surroundings, and I will make a difference.

Thanks for reading :)
vincentcanlas 6 / 22  
Dec 31, 2009   #2
I must admit: as I uncover new facts about the University of Pennsylvania, my heart becomes heavier and heavier. The more I discover about UPenn's commitment to education and community involvement, the more I fall in love with it and the harder it would be for me to find myself anywhere else.

I don't know about the introduction, but it didn't sound natural. :) I don't know, but it sounded kind of cheesy to me. Probably, it's just me.

institution of higherleaninglearning

bond between Filipino-Americans

I'm Filipino, too! And am applying to UPenn! :D Woo us.

I think you did well on responding. But take into consideration the prompt.. it's probably asking for a more specific environment at UPenn. How is it interesting? What is in that community that really interests you.

Take those as something to consider! :)

If you've got time, feedbacks on mine would be appreciated.
OP bongish 1 / 1  
Dec 31, 2009   #3
I initially meant to change only the introduction, but instead I ended up changing everything else. But perhaps it sounds a bit more natural now?


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