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UPenn Supplement Essay - innovation matters


magicinworlds 2 / 2  
Dec 30, 2008   #1
I need desperate help on this one!

Question:Describe the courses of study and the unique characteristics of the University of Pennsylvania that most interest you. Why do these interests make you a good match for Penn?

Applying for: Huntsman Program of International Studies and Business

Essay:
Ben Franklin knew that innovation mattered when he created University of Pennsylvania in 1740 as America's first university. It is a history lesson remembered, as innovation matters even more now today than ever. With my childhood dream of being a successful businesswoman, I dare say that scarcity is everything in the field of business. Differences of even the smallest proportions are what separate success from failure. Since University of Pennsylvania's long-term goal has been to remain unique and creative from other schools, it is the school that can assure me opportunities to exert my full academic potential and to develop keener entrepreneurial abilities.

Looking at Penn, I take extreme interest in the Huntsman Program in International Studies and Business. Its well-rounded program consists of a standard curriculum that embodies foreign language proficiency, a business foundation, and international affairs studies, all necessary qualities of an effective 21st century entrepreneur. University of Pennsylvania does not hold back on opportunities to further enhance the experiences and resumes of its students: students in the program are required to study abroad for at least one semester at another university in the area of the world their target language is spoken. This assures that students who graduate Penn are not only equipped with the basic knowledge of economics, finance, and pure business skills, but they are also fully exposed to the diversity and complexity of real-life international business. Business is all about cooperation. Tolerance to a different culture and insight is essential to any alliance. I hope that by participating in this accelerated program that I can develop the necessary human capital to invest back my talents into society and provide more utility to the world.

I don't know if I answered the question correctly. Creative ideas and props are wanted! Thanks!
EF_Sean 6 / 3,491  
Dec 30, 2008   #2
You've more or less got it. The first paragraph is a bit disconnected from the rest, though, and you focus more on answering the first half of the prompt rather than the second. Some other things to consider:

"Ben Franklin knew that innovation mattered when he created the University of Pennsylvania in 1740 as America's first university."

"With my childhood dream of being a successful businesswoman, I dare say that scarcity is everything in the field of business. Differences of even the smallest proportions are what separate success from failure." This seems a bit out of place given the rest of paragraph 1.

"This assures that students who graduate Penn are not only equipped with basic knowledge of economics and finance, but tha t they are also fully exposed to the diversity and complexity of real-life international business."


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