I'm not sure if this is what they're looking for, so any and all feedback would be greatly appreciated! Leave a link, and I'd be happy to return the favor.
The college experience: something I have thought about, worked towards, and looked forward to for most of my academic career thus far. I have been told countless times that college is not solely for furthering academic interests; it is a place for the individual to grow as a human being. The opportunities to do so are innumerable at the University of Pennsylvania. Each club or organization on campus reflects a different facet of Penn's rich and diverse population, allowing every student to not only pursue interests they have carried on from previous years but also to explore things they may not have had a chance to try before.
In my research of Penn's many clubs and organizations, I came across Perspectives in Humanities, a living-learning program on campus. I read more about the program and was immediately hooked; its focus is so fascinating, and its approach is so unique. I have always had a soft spot in my heart for the humanities, but I have never really had the opportunity to learn more about the field. Becoming a part of PIH is the experience I have been waiting for, a chance to really delve into the world of literature, philosophy, linguistics, and art in a way that would not be possible elsewhere. What I can offer in return would be my own personal perspective, my background, my way of seeing the world. With time, I hope to be able to contribute to the furthering of the PIH program and its mission to extend the appreciation of humanities and enhance the undergraduate experience.
I have spent much of my last ten years in a dance studio, learning and teaching the classical Indian dance form of Bharatanatyam. Dance is an integral part of who I am, and going off to college will certainly not come in the way of my identity as a dancer. The group PENNaach would be the ideal place for me to continue my involvement in cultural dance. As a member, I would be exposed to so much of Indian culture through various dance forms, as well as have the opportunity to collaborate with others who share my passion for this art form.
Giving back to my community has always been a top priority for me, and the sheer multitude of service opportunities at the University of Pennsylvania is overwhelming. Throughout my high school career, I have had the opportunity to work with elementary school students, tutoring them in a classroom setting as well as mentoring them in an outdoor science camp. I would love to be able to continue working with kids, and the Community School Student Partnerships program would be the perfect way for me to do so. I would get a chance to work with children in the Philly community, ranging from elementary to high school students. As a tutor and mentor, I hope I can enrich the lives of young students and get them on the path towards a college education. Other organizations such as the Penn Habitat for Humanity and Alternate Spring Break would be a great way to reach out the community, not just in Philadelphia, but other parts of the country as well.
With creative outlets, opportunities to give back to the community, and academic challenges, I hope to contribute my experiences and my passion in everything I strive to be a part of. Through these organizations, I will have the opportunity to become my own person, to shout out my personality, and leave my mark in the Penn community.
Well, you actually are not supposed to use prepositions the way you did at the start (should be "about which I have thought, to which I have looked forward...") but people do not always observe that rule. Still, for sticklers who care about it, I guess I think you should leave that first sentence out. It is rather simplistic anyway -- it is natural for students to think about and look forward to college.
The college experience: something I have thought about, worked towards, and looked forward to for most of my academic career thus far. I have been told countless times that...
I think that second sentence is more interesting.
You say you don't know if this is what they are looking for, but... what is the essay question? I don't know whether to tell you I think you wrote what they are looking for or not...
Perspectives in Humanities, a living-learning program on campus. I read more about the program and was immediately hooked-----good, after this, I think you should mention siilar programs at other schools and tell why the UPenn program is better for you, specifically, because of your approach to your chosen field. Then, conclude the paragraph with a thoughtful sentence about how such a program adds to the "community."
Giving back to my community has always been a top priority for me------I don't know if I believ you. It would be better to mention an experience that instilled in you an appreciation for the feeling of meaningfulness that comes from enhancing the cmmunity of which you are a part -- rather than just claiming it is important to you.
:-)
Good luck in school!!!
