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UPenn ; "All mankind is divided into three classes......" Which are you?


serendipity57 1 / 1  
Dec 22, 2012   #1
So I've written my essay and I just need a second opinion on it. Here's the essay and the prompt.

Ben Franklin once said, "All mankind is divided into three classes: those that are immovable, those that are movable, and those that move." 
Which are you?

I would like to believe that moving, being moveable and immovable are stages in the journey of life. We are constantly entwined in the process of these traits. Simplistically, these attributes can be represented by a single analogy, a pane of glass. We alternate between the three characteristics. We move with our set motivation, moveable in a direction consistent with our immovable principles and coherent reasoning.

Much like glass, we begin our odyssey mounted by the other odd billion sands on Earth. We find ourselves branded as 'ordinary' and 'normal', especially when you have black hair and dark brown eyes. The difference between those that succeed and those that don't is whether they have the motivation, perseverance, and tenacity to adapt in new circumstances. I am impelled to contribute to society by harvesting the natural endowment we all are bestowed upon our birth. "Our future is in the next generation", as the clichĂŠ saying goes. My wish is to fulfill the statement for the greater purpose of the people and be an instrument to hope. I will move to reach my aspirations.

I am defined by my immovable properties. Virtues, principles and culture; possessions that act upon my judgment - benevolence, respect, family - as these values become the reason behind every choice I make. How you start is everything. Without the primary sand, there is no glass; without these chattels, there will be no individual. Through immovability, I am able to define myself as I bring my intransigent ideologies. The lessons my parents taught me have been implanted to become apart of my innate response to ethical situations, and for that I "honor my father and my mother".

I am amorphous. A piece of glass withstands immense heat in the process shaping. Thus I remain molten to the presence of reason so that education can firm morals and science. I visit the furnace with eagerness knowing that every predicament can only result with improvements. "Experience is the best teacher", as my mother would lecture me, "Just learn and improve from it". The key is to be moveable, without the flexibility of one's mind; our persona cannot be reshaped for the better. Movability is important as it signifies our capability to change. I admit and forgive my blunders, and subsequently zealous to ameliorate. With movability I leave my mind open for new findings.

Like glass, I embody the three classes. I am unafraid to move to turn dreams into reality, immovable by my principles and movable to the audacious truth.
weeyizhi /  
Dec 22, 2012   #2
"I would like to believe that moving, being moveablemovable and immovable are stages in the journey of life."
"My wish is to fulfill the statement for the greater purpose of the people and be an instrument toof hope"
"honor my father and my mother" why did you used quotations here? I don't really understand.
Wow! Your essay clearly shows what a good writer you are. Now, I'll give some comments.
Your essay is definitely atypical. Not many people choose all three parts as their attributes. You're taking a risk, but still answering the prompt (and I like it =D).

You never really give something concrete to us. Usually I prefer essays with real examples that appeal my sense. However, I still think you did a great job in using abstract language. (Don't mark my words for this though, get more inputs.)

I learned that you are ambitious, stick to your principles, and willing to accept truth. Although I'd prefer to see some examples to that.

Lastly, your usage of language is incredible.
Good luck with you application!! =)
OP serendipity57 1 / 1  
Dec 22, 2012   #3
Thank you so much! :)
"honour my father and my mother" is from the ten commandments. :)


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