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UPenn page 217 of my autobiography: Strength of Stature

Mjtorain 2 / 4  
Jan 1, 2010   #1
UPenn: Summit page 217 of you 300 page autobiography.

"Stand up straight, Maya." My mother whispered into my ear as we sauntered through the Church corridor on a warm Sunday morning, sun beaming through the stained glass windows.

I sheepishly glance at her, embarrassed at my own disheveled state; my dress limply hung as if still dangling on the rusty wire hanger. She looked extraordinary that day, sharply dressed with high cheek bones and a graceful beauty reminiscent of Katherine Hepburn. Following her lead, I quickly smoothed my drooping shoulders back and lifted my head to the sky; the essential elements of proper posture. It is something my mother had told me to do many, many times before, and now, I finally realize why; she did this to simply show me the strength of stature.
shreeek 2 / 14  
Jan 1, 2010   #2
This is a really great essay! is there anything specifically you need help on?

I mean, as I was reading it I thought you may have forgotten about the prompt,but you tie all back in with the last three paragraphs.
lauren1212 - / 4  
Jan 1, 2010   #3
I honestly don't have any criticism for you. I had to try to think of possible changes that you could make. If you must do anything, then I recommend incorporating more about the less literal sense of "strength of stature", and the emotional consequences of slumping your shoulders. I really had to work hard at thinking of even that one suggestion, though, so obviously this essay is spectacular as it is. Believe that it is incredible! It follows the prompt very well, and is beautifully written. I say.. SUBMIT IT IMMEDIATELY.
OP Mjtorain 2 / 4  
Jan 1, 2010   #4
Thank you so much! I'm just stressing and didn't know if it fit the prompt right, AND I submitted a essay yesterday to Yale with a blatant HUGE grammar error, so I'd thought this would prevent that disaster again.
lauren1212 - / 4  
Jan 1, 2010   #5
Having read this essay, I highly doubt that the error will detract much from your application. After all, Yale knows that we're going to college to learn- we're not applying because we're perfect. If it makes you feel better though, I just realized that an essay I sent to Notre Dame yesterday had a grammatical agreement error in it... I think I read over it 1 billion times, too.

Like I said... BEAUTIFUL, you're a poet.
qomoco 24 / 107  
Jan 1, 2010   #6
I could literally stare down Napoleon Bonaparte in the fifth grade

I like this lol, I don't know why o.o but I laughed

and this is an awsome essay

can you read mine please

you have to scroll down to see the new version
OP Mjtorain 2 / 4  
Jan 1, 2010   #7
I think I read over it 1 billion times, too.

Haha, so did I! It makes no sense, but thanks again.

And yea QiMin, Napoleon had nothing on me. Thanks for reading, and I'll definitely return the favor.
twizzlestraw 12 / 95  
Jan 1, 2010   #8
AWE this is good!
I really like it.
The only thing is - it sounds more like a personal statement than p.217 of your autobiography... but it still works so don't sweat it!

Would you mind reading mine?

Hope to seee you at Pennn! =)

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