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UPenn - "What do you see yourself exploring?" Supplemental Essay


donotplagiarize 2 / 3  
Dec 30, 2010   #1
Prompt: Considering both the specific undergraduate school or program to which you are applying and the broader University of Pennsylvania community, what academic, research, and/or extracurricular paths do you see yourself exploring at Penn? (approximately 500 words)

"Hey Rachit, what do you want to be when you grow up?" asked my aunt one day when I was a little kid. I answered, "I want to be a shopkeeper!" Keeping in mind that I said this in India, a country full of petty shopkeepers and roadside vendors, my aunt burst out laughing. The little me was perplexed and wondered why he was being laughed at. After all, he just wanted to be involved in the most laid-back business ever! However, when I look back at that moment now, I realize that a big part of me always wanted to be a businessman, and to major in business, I believe that there is not a better school than University of Pennsylvania's Wharton School of Business.

The wealth of opportunities and the plethora of educational experiences offered by Penn make the institution an exceptional temple of knowledge. The different and innovative techniques used for teaching at Wharton would enormously help me develop and learn about my two concentrations of interest, Marketing and Communication, at the same time. I understand that the concentrations of Marketing and Communication go hand-in-hand, and Wharton is the only school that provides this exclusive opportunity of taking a dual concentration both areas. I believe that Marketing is a strong major; however, it is incomplete without the knowledge of Communications. Primarily focusing on Marketing and simultaneously taking some Communication courses would greatly assist me in building a strong foundation for my future career as a business professional. Also, to be a Business student, it is extremely important to be "global minded", and there is no doubt in my mind that there is no other school in this country that could condition me to think internationally as well as Penn. The opportunities of studying abroad that The Wharton School of Business provides make me work even harder to be a part of the college.

Upon being admitted to college, one of the first initiatives I would undertake would be meeting with Dr. Allyn Miner, the Undergraduate Chair, to talk about my potential minor. Being from South Asia, the program offered by Penn that greatly intrigues me is The South Asia Studies (SAST) minor. While living in India for fifteen years, I never realized my love and interest in the culture and diversity of my own country and the entire South Asian region. The SAST program, along with helping me learn more about my heritage and my native language Hindi, will also greatly complement my business major by assisting me in understanding the corporate culture, practices, and techniques of the target area.

The recent Community Partnership between The Wharton School and the Barbara and Edward Netter Center is the icing on the cake. I am extremely passionate about community service, and a firm believer in giving back to the society. By committing myself to Wharton-Netter Center Community Partnership, I would not only be able to fulfill my desire of staying actively involved in the college activities, but also use the power of business for the betterment of the society. Penn's News Publications, especially The Daily Pennsylvanian, also arouse my interest, because engagement in college publications eminently contributes to the development of Communication and interpersonal skills, skills which will act as building stones to a strong gateway for entering the challenging Marketing world.

I immigrated to the United States, the land of opportunities, in the hope of an exceptional education that is hard to find in India, or any other country in the world for that matter. I believe that joining Wharton's elite group of students in the exclusive Marketing and Communication program, coupled with the best corporate environment of the city of Philadelphia would provide a stimulating environment in which I will thrive and graduate with great knowledge and experiences of the business world.

I would really-really appreciate any type of criticism and modification. Thanks!
P.S: It has some bits and parts from my Carnegie Mellon essay
Mick 3 / 14  
Dec 30, 2010   #2
You definitely know your stuff about UPenn, and from what I hear that's the main thing this kind of essay is looking for. They want to know how interested you are in their school, and you showed that pretty well. Nice job!

I think a slight rearrangement of the first paragraph would do some good. I understand you're trying to set the essay up with a small anecdote, but it seems a bit too colloquial. It's good to be conversational to a point, but try to do it in a more captivating way.
Mixta666 2 / 11  
Dec 31, 2010   #3
I like it, seems you've researched it well enough. I only have an issue with the second paragraph, where you keep repeating the word 'concentrations' a bit of variety, perhaps a synonym would improve the flavor of the text. Also may be you should talk about what specific study abroad programs are of interest to you and why. It seems like you just added that last sentence 'The opportunities of studying abroad etc' was like a by the way and should be scrapped off, unless you delve deeper into it, which I recommend. Also, perhaps you should try making the second paragraph a bit shorter, I feel like there is repetition, so as to match the length of other paragraphs which makes it more appealing..

Thank you for your comments, I just updated my essay, if you would take a look, I would very much appreciate that.
I wish you all the best, and a happy new years eve.
SashaMunch 2 / 5  
Dec 31, 2010   #4
I really like your essay. Great job! It sounds great when you are talking about your life in India.
I'm also an International student. I would be really appreciate if you take a look at my essay. Thanks :)
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Jan 27, 2011   #5
Keep in mind that I said this ...

The essay is solid! It's very good. I think it can be even better if you cite a few recent research articles to show what you have been reading. I say that because they specifically mention research.

If there was one place I could make an improvement, it would be the thesis statement at the end of the first paragraph where you plant a big idea in the reader's mind:

I realize that a big part of me always wanted to be a businessman, and to major in business, I believe that there is not a better school than University of Pennsylvania's Wharton School of Business.

This is such a simple statement, without much meaning. It takes away some of the essay's power. You can transform the whole essay, though, by mustering some inspiration and replacing this with the words that really express your plan! :-)
Aditya9 - / 1  
Feb 24, 2011   #6
r u implying that india does not have exceptional quality of education...it can be controversial..


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