As I backpedal my steps and glance over my shoulder, I can hear the screams of shoes on hardwood grow closer. I worry of running into someone, but not as much as I fear getting trampled by sixth graders. A boy with the basketball takes too many steps without dribbling, and I shortly blow my whistle. I get down on one knee and stare at an already distraught face, "You need to make sure you bounce the ball when you are moving with it, kiddo. Give it another try." I return the ball to him, and he smiles at the second chance.
Upward Basketball is a unique league. It is not only devoted to teaching kids about the sport, but also about Christianity. At every practice, there is a short devotion in between, relating something in the game to the Word of God. Over twelve weeks, I have the privilege of watching young kids evolve, both spiritually and physically. Whether it is an eight year old that makes his first basket, or a thirteen year old that commits her life to Jesus, I am filled with joy to know that I was a part of the process. However, giving second chances is my favorite part.
Thoughts?
It's a really insightful essay and has a good spectrum of the impact of Upward Basketball and your role as a referee. However, I thought it'd be even better if you elaborated on how giving second chances is your favorite part just a little more. It's just my opinion though. Besides that, it's really good :)
Could you please read my Stanford roommate letter and provide feedback? Thanks.
I really like the subject you chose and the way you presented it, it makes the essay feel more personal.
The only real problem that I noticed was "However, giving second chances is my favorite part." I feel like the sentence before that did a good job at ending the essay and this part just seems a little bit unneeded. It distracts the reader because they think that there should be more when there's not. I think that if you take that sentence out, your essay will sound very good.
Good job and good luck (:
After looking at it, I agree with chopping the last sentence off. Thanks guys!
I agree that the last sentence could be deleted. It takes away from the clarity of the essay. Otherwise, it's great!
