USC's speaker series What Matters to Me and Why asks faculty and staff to reflect on their values, beliefs, and motivations. Presenters talk about choices they have made, difficulties encountered and commitments solidified. Write an essay about an event or experience that helped you learn what is important to you and why it is important.
"Somewhere over the rainbow, way up high..." I awoke to the soothing lyrics of the old classic song lilting from my alarm clock. It was 7 a.m. (a bit redundant) in the morning and my first day as a volunteer surveyor at the V.A #800080(Explain the acronym) hospital. I began my volunteering experience with a serious face, unsure of what to expect but prepared to make the best of whatever came my way. After listening intently to my supervisor explain the job to me, I gathered ten clipboards and a stack of surveys and made my way towards a tiny table in a corner of the medical practice waiting room.
My job was to survey the waiting veterans about the effects of the economic recession on their current living situation. It was my first time surveying and speaking to the veterans; I had no idea what kind of responses to expect from them. I tentatively approached the nearest veteran and began an introduction I had played over in my mind for preparation. Much to my surprise, the old, tired-looking man smiled warmly at me and listened patiently to my inquiries for a survey . He told me he had bad eyesight, so I sat down and slowly read through the survey questions for him. As I interviewed him, I learned that he had no family in America and lived in solitude. It was not his choice to live in such solitude when his family dispersed. He had become so accustomed to living alone when no one visited (sounds kinda confusing)that he no longer attempted to form new relationships. Hearing about his loneliness saddened me, but at the end of our conversation, he told me how it had made his day to speak leisurely with someone. I suddenly felt good that I was able to coax a smile from this man by merely asking questions and listening to his responses. I blurted out that his comment also made my day. He grinned at this and asked if I knew what was the only contagion welcomed at a hospital. When I said I did not know, he told me that it was happiness.
Even though I have heard the phrase "happiness is infectious" countless times, it sounded and felt different ly coming from this veteran. He gave me a larger purpose to volunteer other than to help. I had not known how much optimism a simple conversation could evoke prior to this experience. I realized that this happiness I felt could make a big difference in someone's life. I could brighten their day by conversing and showing a bright smile, yet at the same time, I knew a happy attitude could inspire others. I took my time carefully conversing with many veterans and found that they had similar situations of feeling alone and living without much family support. With this mindset, I looked forward to surveying more veterans in hopes of spreading this optimism. I saw how hospitals are more than just a place to give medicines and to(parallel structure) cure illnesses; it is a place for making bonds, spreading cheer, and having an emotional, positive impact on patients and visitors alike. This experience taught me that being optimistic is different from hiding behind a merely cheerful exterior, it involves focusing on the present and finding ways to improve. My talking to veterans represented that happiness takes personal actions that can bring about a better future. (kinda fix it up a bit, it sounds like you tried to make 'talking' a adjective to describe a conversation.) It can inspire without preaching to others. I was glad that I had volunteered there and realized that the veterans had helped me more than I had helped them. I realized the importance of having and maintaining a positive attitude in the face of adversity. "Somewhere over the rainbow, skies are blue..."; I awake each day and reach for each new experience with a smiling face.
I liked your essay, but one point is:
too many descriptions, less actions. You describe veterans, yourself, your feelings & thoughts;
Also, there is a point about the last paragraph; I think the concluding thoughts must be longer (at least 5 sentences). I understood that your idea about "what is important" & to make it longer, write more about "WHY also, it is important")
Hope it is not too harsh
Good luck, you see, there is not much I can help with grammar. I'm ESL student. But, I could look at your second draft and try to advice something about meaning.
