I would like to know if this PS
1. has responded the prompt
2. has any errors in grammar
3. whether it's idea is clear
or any other advices!
Thanks!! I will be really appreciated for your help!
Prompt: The Cinematic Arts personal statement should reflect the applicant's individuality and explain why he or she would like to study animation and digital arts at USC. The Animation Admission Committee will review this statement as a measure of the applicant's creativity, intelligence, self‐awareness, determination and vision. There is no standard format or length for the statement, but it should give the committee a sense of the applicant's long‐term goals and artistic ambitions.
One afternoon, I was portraying still objects in the school art studio. I heard a wind, and a ginko leaf was brought in and fell on a liquor can at the edge of the still scene. I diverted my attention to where the leaf was from. Outside the window, I saw loci of the dancing insects and birds, postures of the fluttering leaves, rhythms of the aged models' paces on the path of the hill where our teaching complex located. I did not notice for how long I kept watching those scenes, but there was one thing for sure----they touched me, much more than the stiff objects placed on a narrow platform. David Lynch says in The Short Films of David Lynch: I want to see my paintings move, with music. That's how I started the whole thing. Looking at my own painting, I felt that pure painting can't bring me as much excitement as motion art does.
My high school has a tradition: every autumn each student of grade 11 is required to take a four-weeks-trip to some remote countryside and paint from life. I went to an isolated fishing village on Zhoushan Island where people barely have connections with modern society. I saw an ordinary old lady when I was walking in a lane at the day I first arrived there. She was leaning against to a bamboo chair, and her look was just as the same of everyone's in this village. But I could tell that something was special on her, subtly. I thought she was interesting to portray. So I walked closer to her and asked her to be my model. She didn't answer, just moved her sight to the worn-out handkerchief held between her fingers. Her eyes were moist and a single piece of her white hair fell and floated softly with dust twinkling in sunlight. She stood up and walked into the house. "Wait." She said.
She came out with a new coat that still had folding lines on it, a little bit out of place though. She sat down and smiled. Her skin was wrinkled, dry and fragile. During the time I was drawing, she rubbed her eyes a lot but still kept smiling.
I left that village in a few days. Among all pictures I made there was only one portrait---the old lady, because no one was willing to be my model. A villager told me that in their convention, only the person who would die soon could be portrayed. On the shuttle boat I kept thinking about that old lady. Why did she decide to be portrayed? Is it because she thought that her life would come to an end soon? I took out the drawing of her. It did have showed her complex smile in sunset, yet it couldn't tell the story of her who realized her life was also in sunset.
I have travelled alone to many countries: Japan, Singapore, Malaysia, Brunei, England, Canada and United States. The motivation of taking those journeys is to explore what my perceptions and impressions really mean, and also to find out what is the relation between the world and me. What I got is that those perceptions and impressions affected by my emotion and memory are forming my own value of art. Moreover, I realized that I am aspired to show out what I have perceived by creating a fiction world that tells real stories. I recall every inconspicuous transformation of the old lady's expression, her movements and her voice. Those elements merged into sequences spontaneously in my head. By that time I became certain about being a storyteller.
I attended USC School of Cinematic Art Summer Program this past summer and really made some shorts. Just as the teaching philosophy of SCA, learn best by doing, I learned a lot. Making a film or animation is much different from reading a film studies book or analyzing a classic work. I used to hesitate whether to study animation or film production, but after this summer program, I was quite sure that animation is more suitable for me. I could express myself better through animation, because it has greater latitude for creation. Since I also like films a lot, so I am especially interested in using the filmmaking techniques in making animations or blend live actions with animation. USC is the first place I learned everything about cinematic arts systematically and the place provided me such great opportunities; I really hope that I can continue further studies here, turning my inspirations into solid art works.
I do think this has answered the prompt, but I think some parts seem to be out of order. You start with a paragraph explaining why you like animation more than still life, but then you seem to contradict yourself as you tell the story of how you painted the portrait of the old lady. I think it would make more sense to start with the old lady story and use it to explain why you love art. Then you could transition to why you prefer animation with "Moreover, I realized that I am aspired to show out what I have perceived by creating a fiction world that tells real stories. I recall every inconspicuous transformation of the old lady's expression, her movements and her voice. Those elements merged into sequences spontaneously in my head. By that time I became certain about being a storyteller." You could use this to explain that even though you like still life, you want to capture every aspect of her character, including movements and voice. Then you could conclude with your first paragraph that explains why you prefer animation.
That seems more logical to me. Anyway, I noticed a few grammatical errors. Here are a few...
I heard the wind
I saw loci of the dancing insects and birds (I'm not sure what you mean by loci)
of the hill where our teaching complex is located.
much more than the stiff objects placed on a narrow platform
David Lynch says in The Short Films of David Lynch, " I want to see my paintings move, with music."
That's how I started the whole thing. became interested in animation. Looking at my own painting, I felt that Pure painting can't bring me as much excitement as motion art does.
On the day I first arrived, I saw an ordinary old lady as I was walking in a lane.
and her look was just as the same as everyone else's in this village.
"Wait, " s he said.
She came out with a stiff, creased new coat. that still had folding lines on it, a little bit out of place though
It did haveWhile it showed her complex smile in sunset, yet it couldn't tell the story of one who realized her life was also in sunset.
Moreover, I realized that I amaspire to show out what I have perceived by creating a fiction world that tells real stories
By that timeAt that moment I became certain about becoming a storyteller.
this past summer and really made some shortsshort animations of my own
Just as the teaching philosophy of SCA, learn best by doing, I learned a lot.I learned a lot by adhering to the teaching philosophy of SCA, which is "Learn best by doing."
I was quiteam sure that animation is more suitable for me.I am more suited for animation.
I really hope that I can continue further studies here, turning my inspirations into solid art works.
Overall, your essay is unique and your anecdotes really stick in the reader's mind. Especially the story about the old woman. Once you fix the awkward grammar bits it will be a great essay!
Thanks! I'm fixing it.
Anyone has more advices?
Since you need to have all supplementary materials in by December 7th, I thought I might take the liberty of commenting your essay. (:
One windy afternoon, as I was portraying still objects in the school art studio. I heard a wind, and , a ginko leaf flew through the window and landed was brought in and fell on a liquor can at the edge of the huddled still-life scene. I diverted my attention to where the leaf was from landed and traced it to where if came from . Outside the window, I saw loci of the dancing insects and birds, postures of the fluttering leaves, rhythms of the aged models' paces on the path of the hill where our teaching complex located. I did not notice for how long I kept watching those scenes the wonders I witnessed , but there was one thing for sure one thing was certain ---- they these wonders touched me, much more than the stiff objects still-life placed on a the narrow platform. David Lynch says had once said in The Short Films of David Lynch: , " I want to see my paintings move, with music" . That's how I started the whole thing(use a different phrase, like, "That's how my passion for animation begun, etc.). Looking I looked at my own painting, and I felt that pure ("pure" painting is not a good word choice; it is as if you are insulting painting. Just leave the word "pure" out, or add another non-connotative word.) painting can't bring me as much excitement as motion art does.
Well.. I'm a little busy so I'll just edit one paragraph. I hope you don't mind.
If it's not too late, I'll give some feedback about the beginning...
One afternoon, I was portraying still objects in the school art studio. ---This has no imagery words, so it is like a painting without a picture.
I heard a wind, and a ginko leaf was brought in and fell on a liquor can at the edge of the still scene.---This is very cool, but I would like to have active voice instead of passive voice, like this:
I was portraying still objects (name the object) in the school art studio when I heard a wind, and a ginko leaf was brought in and wafted in and fell on a liquor can at the edge of the still scene.
I think the part about the old lady is brilliant, and you expressed some very wise ideas. I especially like this part: It did have showed her complex smile in sunset, yet it couldn't tell the story of her who realized her life was also in sunset. I like it, BUT it is not correct until you use the advice rheyneysherway gave... it is excellent advice!
:-)
