Hey everyone! I am working on the USC Writing Supplement and I just finished the first short answer question. If you guys could help me edit it, that would be great! I often struggle with having a good voice and word choice in my essays, so feel free to make any recommendations. The prompt is stated first below, followed by my answer. Thank you so much for your help!
USC students are known to be involved. Briefly describe a non-academic pursuit (such as service to community or family, a club or sport, or work, etc.,) that best illustrates who you are, and why it is important to you. (250 word limit)
Words cannot describe the experience I've had working with special needs students this year. Every day, I have the privilege to spend just under an hour mentoring and playing with mentally disabled peers through a program offered to a handful of seniors at my school called BUDS. In just four months, I've developed closer relationships with these students than with most of the other kids at school who have surrounded me for three years. Although the BUDS students may look or think differently from the average teen, they do not let anything stop them from achieving their goals. They embrace each day with an open mind and a huge grin, ready to knock down any obstacle that their disability tries to spit at them.
I entered BUDS believing that I would be a helper to the special needs kids, yet I now see that these kids are just as much a helper to me as I am to them. They have taught me to have a positive outlook on life, that you must take the cards you're dealt and utilize them in the best way possible. They have taught me to be thankful for the small things in life because someone else is always fighter a harder battle. Most importantly, though, they have taught me to love unconditionally, regardless of any differences, because acceptance and affection are the most valuable gifts you can give someone.
I think your answer is great, and telling you this a person who struggles with the same problems :) The only 'mistake' i think is that you used 'they have taught me' many times, in sentences which follow each other. I believe if you switch the worlds it will be awesome. e.g i learned,they helped me to learn...
Charlotte, I believe your essay responded very well to the prompt.
It has all the elements needed to entice the reader and the critical panel
of the admissions staff.
Now, as much as I love reading your essay, I'd like to suggest a few enhancement for the last part
of the essay.
-I entered BUDS believingwith the belief that
- yet I now seesaw that these kids are just as much
- They have taught me to have a positive outlook onin life,
- else is always fighterfighting a harder battle.
- Most importantly, though, they have taught me to love unconditionally,
- regardless of any differences, because acceptance and affection are
There you have it, I hope my corrections helped.
