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USC Supplemental: A time my beliefs were challenged

masonn8 3 / 7 4  
Jan 13, 2017   #1
Prompt: USC believes that one learns best when interacting with people of different backgrounds, experiences and perspectives. Tell us about a time you were exposed to a new idea or when your beliefs were challenged by another point of view. 250 word limit.

I just wrote this and feels really simple and boring. Can I get some thoughts?

Prayer Before Meal

During my first day of fifth grade I was assigned a seat next to a freckled girl with blonde hair named Lisa. We were both nervous about the new class, but we quickly got along due to a few cartoons that we both enjoyed. We helped each other through our first classes and even spent our recess together talking. When the lunch bell rang, I fell in line to buy food while she went straight to the tables since she had packed her lunch. After I purchased my food I took a seat next to Lisa and I was surprised to see that her lunch was still untouched."Could you pray with me?" she asked. Thoughtlessly I responded, "You pray before you eat? That's weird." Lisa frowned at me, then closed her eyes and quietly prayed by herself. She didn't say another word to me for the rest of the day. On my way home from school later I told my dad what happened. He told me that I should be respectful of everyone's beliefs and that I should apologize to Lisa. When I arrived at class the next morning, I apologized to Lisa and explained that I had never prayed before. She forgave me and explained that she used to attend a catholic school. When I sat next to her during lunch that day, I asked her if she could teach me how to pray. She smiled and took my hand. We prayed together at lunch everyday after that.

250 words
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,654 3484  
Jan 13, 2017   #2
James, your approach to the essay is too simplistic. There is no character building element involved that would have shown how your personal belief in something was challenged. In this instance, you were only unfamiliar with something. So this doesn't qualify as a belief or idea that you challenged or was challenged within you. Try to find a more recent time when you were challenged to think otherwise about something in your life. For an example, you could discuss your previous opinion of the LGBT community and rights and how over time, you have come to change your point of view about it. If you want to be explosive and memorable in your essay, you should pick a topic that is not really controversial in nature, but important as a social discussion in the school or country where you wish to study.
Bennyoooo 8 / 19 8  
Jan 13, 2017   #3
So you just told us a story of you, but you don't have your conclusion. What do you learn from this experience of learning a new idea? I think you should add some reflection about the new idea to make your essay deeper.

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