What do you guys think? Anything helps.
My passion for storytelling stems from my childhood in Iraq, which was not a peaceful place to be in 1991. You can say I was born under unusual circumstances. For the six months prior to my birth, my mother lived in hiding, moving from one family home to another while my father was being tortured in one of Saddam Hussein's prisons. My mother wasn't aware that my father was still alive until he was released six months after my birth. I grew up with nightmares filled with images of the way they tortured my father, and my mother's struggle to stay alive and safely deliver me into this life. Aside from Saddam's evil regime, the Iraqi sanctions also claimed millions of innocent lives. I still remember the day my father brought an apple home; It was the first time I had seen the delicious fruit. We all huddled in a dark kitchen due to lack of electricity, while my mother split the red treasure into five heavenly pieces, one for each one of us. A few vivid memories are all I have left of the place I once called home. After the brutal execution of my grandfather and two uncles, my dad realized that he needed to get us out to safety.
In 1997, we packed what little clothes we had and said goodbye to whomever was left. At that point I didn't realize it was the last time I will ever see any of them again. We were all uncertain of our future. We made our way to Jordan, then onto Syria where we lived for a couple of years. I enrolled in the local school, and within a few weeks I was voted class president. That might've had something to do with telling everyone stories of all the exotic places I had seen, and the interesting characters I met on my journey. I was young, and I didn't remember much about my journey, or why we left Iraq in the first place, but I used that to my advantage. I let my imagination fill in the blanks.
My life experienced another twist when I learned that we were leaving the Middle East for the United States. When I arrived in America, I found a strange land where people of different colors, speaking different languages, praying to different gods, and yet they were all living in peace! It was hard for me to understand at the time, but I finally realized this is the safety that my father had been talking about all these years. We didn't have much when we came here other than our religion, language, and the belief in the American Dream.
I discovered movies the day my father installed a satellite dish in order to watch the Iraqi news channel. I saw films from all over the world, and while I didn't always understand the language being spoken, it still amazed me. In Iraq the electricity wasn't available long enough for me to watch even a single episode of Tom and Jerry. The beautiful combination of a stunning image and the sound of an amazing piece of music captivated my soul. For that moment in time, I forgot what it meant to be a refugee. I left poverty, and didn't care if I was in a third world country. For an hour and a half I was lost in time. One day I was fighting in the Trojan Wars, and the next day I was captivated by the sound of music. To this day, the only place I find true peace is inside of a movie theater. I want to share that peaceful feeling with the world. There are many children who are in the same place I was in years ago. I want to transport them to a world different than their own.
We soon realized that there are two ways an immigrant can be successful in this land, which were education and business. After graduating high school at the age of seventeen, I started my own business, a used care dealership in Arlington, Texas. I used the profit I made to buy a camera, a macbook, and Final Cut Pro. I began making short films and posting them online. Within a few months I became an intern for Hakim Sons Films, a film production company in Dallas. A few weeks after I was hired as an intern they came up with the idea of producing a music video for the holy month of Ramadan. I was so excited about the project that I stayed awake all night working on a script. When the singer, Fez Meghani, read my script he was in tears, and the production company decided to let me direct the video.
I worked on the storyboard, casting the actors, and coming up with lighting plots with the cinematographer while the singer recorded the song. We shot the video over two days. A few days later we were proud parents of the finished video. One of the happiest moments of my life was when I received an email from CNN International producer, Jessica Ellis, asking if she can interview me about my music video! During the interview I got a chance to talk about my passion for film, as well as expressing my views as a Muslim-American. I woke up the next morning to hundreds of emails sent by viewers from all over the world. It was an amazing feeling to see that what started in my head a few weeks ago, touched the heart of people on every corner of this planet. Aside from being featured on CNN International, the video has been playing on television channels in Cairo, Baghdad, Pakistan, India, and London.
Whether I am shooting a comedic short with friends on a camera phone, or shooting a music video on a DSLR, I have the same feeling of peace and happiness. I rather work with a camera and shooting a short for 12 hours and no pay, than work in a retail store selling cameras for $9 an hour. I want to write and direct my own feature films one day, and I want my films to look and feel just as magical as the classics I watched growing up. Cinema is my first love, and making films is my true bliss. I want to spend the rest of my life learning about the art that taught me the meaning of adventure, showed me true love, and inspired me to dream.
Ali, believe me there will be thousands of essays on middle east and war in Iraq. This does not mean you did not face hardships but you need to stand out. Your matter lacks a presentation of organized ideas.
Your father was being tortured. What a experience to mention here... Your first para can be that. Let that become the platform to the decision to move to America along with other murders. This is a dark period of our life that shows you became a man in small age forced by circumstances and how America was new life to you.
I love the uncertainty when you say,
There were people of different colors, speaking different languages, praying to different gods, and yet they were all living in the same area. It was hard for me to understand at the time
This is like a child like curiosity that brings a shade of your character. Good.
I have met people from all walks of life. They all came from different places, left for different reasons, and heading to different destinations. One thing they all have in common is that each person has a story of their own. I have spent my life so far talking to people.
Although, I think that first line is not completely right but the feel of these lines is good.
Now, your film career. You need to mention some more things such as
1) What inspired you?
2) What extra activity have you done apart from mobile videos? You see, you need to provide some base for the college to believe that you have talent and you should be on their campus.
Whatever the question maybe, we need to show everything possible in nice and subtle manner.
Hope this helps. :)
You have an interesting message to tell in your essay, but I think that you have written it backwards. Your theme is film, and therefore, that should be introduced in the beginning of the essay, not brought out to the reader at the end. I think that you are on the right track; but you will have to organize your thoughts a little better -- why don't you begin with an outline? From there, you can write a rough draft of the essay and present it to us. I think that you will find that things will operate a little more smooth for you as you continue with the writing process.
Good luck, and hang in there!
Mark
Well done Ali. Really pulled your essay to another level. Its now sounding very nice and mature.
1.
Saddam Hussein's prisons.
Aside from Saddam's evil
NO. A BIG NO. DO NOT MAKE ANY POLITICAL STATEMENTS. This is unnecessary and useless info that may irk someone.
2.
whomever
Whoever is the word. However, I would say, don't write it. Just say, said goodbye to all our neighbors and relatives who wished us luck for the future.
See, understand this that no country is perfect and each needs to improve.
3. Ali, let's see a little of your lighter side. Apple point was great but the tone is very serious. Maybe in our movies para, you can write about shooting comedic short a little more. You can show some statements that makes the reader feel nice and warm. Something, that would bring a.... something film makers keep saying.... happy endings. ;)
Good work Ali.
Also, I may suggest you to start critiquing more.
1. You will learn to write better as you correct others mistakes.
2. Others will be helped a lot by a good writer like you.
See you in essay arena.
PS: Start with my essay. Ha ha. :)
